24 reasons to love 24!

Live

Okay, so right now I am 23 years old. In less than 2 days I will be 24 years old. I don’t know about you, but I feel like turning 24 is a major life changing moment. I am jittery with excitement at the fact that I am going to be 24 years old!

Because, 24 isn’t 23. At 23, I still feel like I am a kid with no experience – even though that is the farthest from the truth! I mean….I graduated college 3 years ago! But, that perception is still there. 23 still feels so young.

But 24…….I’m a freaking adult!! I feel “grown-up” and I have this “I made it; I survived” attitude. I’m in my mid-twenties!!!

So, as I prepare for the big celebration, because I can be a bit dramatic with celebrations, I have compiled 24 major reasons to love turning and being 24 years of age!

1. You are officially granted the “adult status.”

Being an adult is actually a lot of fun to me. Sure, I had tons of fun as a teenager, college-kid, and young adult. However, those stages were my growing pains. In all of it I was discovering who I was and I hiccuped a lot in the things I thought I would be. Being an adult comes with it’s responsibilities, and I am PROUD that I have established a work-life balance and can pay my bills without bugging my parents for help!

I am proud that I can make it on my own. I am my own person who handles all aspects of my life. (Of course with the Lord’s guidance – duh 😉 ).

2. You don’t give 2 cents about someone else’s opinion any more.

As you grow up, you worry SO much, too much, about what everyone else thinks. As a church goer – it’s a lot worse. You pray “Dear God, don’t let me screw up and be “cast out.” But now it’s so different. I am who GOD MADE ME TO BE. I listen to his direction – not someone else’s. There is not one person who knows you better than you and God combined.

3. You own up to your mistakes.

You no longer want to try to blame someone else for something you obviously did. You have the courage to own up to the things you screw up on, but realize it’s worth it in the end.

4. Relationships matter so much more.

As you get older you realize that certain friendships and relationships are worth keeping. Even though you “bicker” and argue your perspective – the real friends of yours honor your point of view rather than tear you down for it. And that my friends is the reason you should keep them. You don’t leave them over petty arguments because you’ve built a foundation with these people – your so called Lifers.

5. Family becomes your rock.

In high school, and in college, all you wanted to do was leave your parents and siblings behind. Get out of the house and rule your own world. It’s like turning 18 and thinking “I know everything better than my mom and dad.” Then, you think about it and realize “geez, I guess they were right.”

Your family knows you better than anyone else. And you realize, as grey hairs start to poke out of their scalp, their advice is worth listening too and they deserve your respect and attention.

6. Parents become your friends – not your enemies.

It’s finally time to say goodbye to who’s right and who’s wrong. You both come to terms with what each other chooses to believe and love each other for it. Because you’d rather not sacrifice your relationship with them because you “oh so heartedly believe you are correct” like you used to think. The relationship is more important.

7. You realize who you are and where you are going.

Some waters you no longer want to test. You have grown out of the “rebellious stage,” have a job and have actual goals you want to pursue. You now pull your pants up and say “I’m going to do them.”

8. And if you don’t, it’s okay.

Even if you have NO idea what you want to do and where to go – that’s okay! Some of us don’t even figure it out until we are 30 – but that’s the beauty of being an adult, right? We can constantly change who we are going to grow up to be and own up to whatever path we take.

9. Staying home is like vacation.

For me this is true. I am so tired after a long day of work and graduate school that the best thing that can happen to me is the opportunity to sleep at home and watch New Girl all day. It’s a treasure I will never ever ever ever take for granted again.

10. There are ton of celebrations going on.

Literally, I have been to a dozen weddings and mid-20 celebrations. It’s like – I have moneyyy to spend because I’m an adult and so the celebrations rock!! No more cheap pizza, but i’ll take a bit of that sushi off your plate 😉

11. You realize you don’t have to say yes to everything.

At this point in your life you have figured out that your time is limited too. You have nothing to prove to any one and you don’t want to sacrifice your sleep. You learn to say yes to important things and no to others that don’t matter to you.

12. Your health starts to really matter.

You don’t complain about the kind of food you eat. In fact, you start to really enjoy the fact that you are taking care of yourself. You don’t care about soda or chips any more or binging on anything bad for you. In fact, you start to care about your health and whether or not you are doing yourself a service by eating that donut.

13. You realize that things you did as a kid were not as crazy as what kids are doing today.

Honestly, I really thought that some of the things I did as a kid like sniffing the Mr. Sketch scented markers because..well..they smelled awesome. At least I am not trying to eat a Tide Pod. Like…what? You realize you turned out okay and hopefully those younger than you will too!

14. You are old enough to appreciate technology and use it excellently, but you aren’t completely absorbed by it. You know how to put the phone down.

Technology has come a long way. I remember my very first fat flip phone in 7th grade. It was the best thing ever. I even remember by first iPhone 4 in high school. The world changed for me. But, at 24 – I have priorities and that doesn’t involve my face on a screen 24/7.

15. Judging people are a thing of the past.

You just get over feeling the need to criticize someone for who they are, the life they choose, and the lifestyle they lead. It’s just not up to you to change them even if you realize that they could be better. You realize you really aren’t in control – God is. Your job is to just love and everybody and guide as best as you can.

16. Forgiveness is a big deal.

You want to be forgiven just as much as the next person does. You realize you have seriously hurt people and you don’t want them to hold a grudge against you. You want to be forgiven, and also want to show forgiveness to others because you get it.

17. Forgiveness isn’t an excuse to get walked all over.

You also realize that forgiveness is for yourself too. You let go of the pain that someone caused, but you also create some distance. Trust is gained in drips and lost in buckets. You realize that it’s okay to forgive, but that doesn’t mean to let your heart get ripped a part over and over again. You realize you have to protect yourself too!

18. You are valuable no matter what anyone else thinks.

You realize you are an asset to the world. Like I said at #1 – you don’t give 2 cents about any one else’s opinion. You realize your worth and the ones you care about will see it too.

19. Good things take time.

You realize that there is no such thing as a quick fix. If something is going to be good and long lasting (especially in relationships) it takes time and effort. You have to build it from the ground up. In high school (and college) people are looking for relationships and will sometimes sacrifice meaningful conversation and relational building with chatty talk just to be with someone. Well…I’m not wasting my time anymore and will only pour into those relationships that matter.

20. New things are worth experiencing.

Now that I have the money to travel I can’t wait to see what the world offers. I don’t say no to life experiences because of fear. I only say no to things that don’t matter (like going to a late-night party because sleep matters to me lol. I say yes to things that develop me as a person and opens my eyes to what the world is really like – the good and the bad. I don’t want to be ignorant – I want to be open.

21. Settling isn’t an option.

You realize that you won’t settle for less than your worth. I won’t stay friends with someone who doesn’t care. I won’t stay at a job that I hate. I won’t settle for something less when I know, and feel, that something even better is around the corner.

22. You don’t have to be in control all the time.

You don’t have to have your hands all in the pot all the time. Not everything will always go as planned and I realize that I don’t need to freak out about it all the time. If it goes a different direction then I learn from it rather than freak about it.

23. You realize the importance of self-development.

School didn’t stop when I graduated college. There is more to learn that college never taught me. You realize, out of everything, the importance of continually developing who you are and generating new skill sets that enhance yourself as a person and employee. It also keeps your brain active!

24. My relationship with Christ matters more to me than any one human being.

I’m a Jesus Freak. You know that! And at this point in my life I just don’t care for other people to deter me from my real love and passion which is following Christ. At this point, I don’t want to let him go and I don’t want any one stopping me from reaching him. And if they do -they probably aren’t worth keeping.

I honestly cannot wait to turn 24!

Love,

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Finding my lost identity.

Jennie's Snippets

I went on a mission trip to Kenya back in April of this year. I went with an excited and expectant heart to minister to every woman, every girl, and every child that my eyes laid on. I had a heart full of love to pour out onto any soul who stumbled along my path.

I prepared, I fasted, and I prayed to see God move in remarkable ways in the lives of those who had little to cling to. I was ready.

What I did not prepare for was what it would be like to return home.

I went with a team of other women who are just remarkable at children’s ministry. Our hearts were aligned with one mission in sight. Together, we held a children’s ministry conference for over 100 girls with over 40 dedicating their lives to Christ admitting that Christ’s love is powerful enough to forgive them and lead them, we visited and loved on babies at an abandoned baby home, and we did ministry at an orphanage with girls and boys aging from 2 to 18.

We were living and breathing the mission field. I mean, we do every day no matter where we are, but we got to do the dirtier work of it all.

The thing is… I have been out of the country doing mission work before and came home, sad, but nothing like this.

Ever since I was a little girl, sitting at the Pilgrimage Conference, God spoke to me. He TOLD me that my life was not meant to be lived lavishly. That my feet will one day wander into something bigger than my body could handle. That my feet would land in Africa and a child residing there would become my own.

Sounds crazy to you. But for me my heart has clung to it wondering when it would happen. Praying, hoping, expecting – waiting.

When Pam, our conference girls director, invited me to go on this trip I was absolutely terrified. I had let fear of war, famine and disease infiltrate my mind that I almost said no.

But Pam didn’t know the desire of my heart and the promise that God made me. In my decision, I was more fearful that I wouldn’t allow his promise to become a reality. Before I lost my courage I quickly told Pam……YES!

Christ was powerful. He worked in all those kids lives, but most importantly He worked in mine.

I was not prepared for the amount of emptiness I would feel once I got home. I felt AT home in Kenya. I could have stayed my whole life – right there. I wouldn’t miss a single thing that America called a “comfortable” lifestyle.

I don’t need a fancy car, I don’t need a large home, I don’t need a big paycheck, I don’t need designer clothes, or a protected life. I’m simply joyful with being alive.

I just wish I could have given more and stayed longer there.

It has taken me a long time to write this because I wasn’t sure of who I was when I got back. It was difficult for me to write something so sensitive. I felt so lost because all I wanted to do was get back on a plane to Africa.

When I got to my apartment, the night of my arrival to America, I went straight to my bed and cried myself to sleep.

I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to be there.

Today is much different than that first night back. During a prayer night at Elevation Raleigh my pastor called for a night of prayer rather than a teaching. He had no idea how much I needed it.

God knew what I was struggling with, and behold, an older woman who had been in similar shoes prayed with me and helped me understand that I wasn’t alone in my loss and suffering.

I was finally able to breathe again, but I had to decide who I was, and what God’s plan was going to be for me that moment onward. What did HE want for me?

Ministry is at the heart of who I am and all that I am. I can’t breathe unless I am being a servant for Christ. I am no one unless Christ gives me his commands to do his work. The mission trip REMINDED me of my mission (both here and there – local and international).

I wasn’t giving enough while I was serving in America. And, I am desperate to serve more with every opportunity God gives me.

My heart is full and expectant – I have so much for me to pour out.

And God’s promise for me will prevail. He only gave me a taste with my visit. Kenya, currently, does not allow for international adoption, but one day one of those children at THAT orphanage (which will remain unnamed) will call me mommy <3.

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Velizar Ivanov on Unsplash

Finding real adult friends seems almost impossible.

Love

Relationships are tough to build. They require persistence, connection, exposure and vulnerability. They require us to be more than a face and a person to hang out with – especially if our hope is to connect with someone so that we can bear our true selves. We want to be able to relate to one another on a deeper level.

But, the ability to build relationships gets harder the older we get.

I’ve been talking to some of my closest friends, who are between the ages of 20 and 27, and their greatest struggle is finding relationships of their own that result in the same deep connections they had with the friends they grew up with.

As we all know, we grow up and move away to new cities with new jobs, or to new opportunities. We still have those close relationships we built when we were younger, we don’t forget those, but we still need friends to lean on in this new place we plant ourselves.

The difference for making friends now is that we aren’t put in a situation where it’s easy to make friends. All throughout our school life, and college, we were surrounded by people that we saw almost every single day. We had no choice but to make the effort to get to know them and expose ourselves to them. We had the TIME to build and nurture those relationships.

Today, as an adult, I work all day. Everyone is doing their job and trying to get their part done. Relationships are cast aside and you are considered a singular part of a complicated machine. You keep moving and the machine keeps functioning.

We are planted in places where relationships aren’t considered important, but that doesn’t mean we can’t build them.

Not only that, but we forget that adults have gone through some nasty relationships.

Adult’s carry a weight of mistrust for people because of their past mishappenings. They don’t let people in as easily as they did in their youth.

If we want to be considered a friend then it’s our job to work on the relationship we desire to have. We make the effort.

We can’t hold expectations for the people we want to be friends with to make the effort themselves first.

We can’t just “show-up” in their lives and expect for them to automatically trust and love us. They have baggage and we must offer a shoulder to help them carry it. We won’t gain their trust unless we show what we are willing to give up or expose first.

I don’t ever believe that friendships should come easy. If friendships come in easily then they leave just as easily.

For relationships to truly matter then we must do our part. Text and call them first, ask to hang out first, tell your story first. AND, continue to do so until it’s consistent. Don’t do it one time – do it multiple times. It takes TIME and PERSISTENCE in order to show them that you care and are trying.

Adults don’t want to waste their time on a one-off relationship. Who wants to expose their deepest struggles and desires just for someone to leave tomorrow? Adults, like myself, are looking for stability in their relationships.

You must take the chance to be open and exposed if you want to find a relationship that is fulfilling. As humans, we need friendship and connection to survive.

Sadly, we live in a world where quick satisfaction of “likes” and “comments” are encouraged to satiate our hunger for more, but in the end, we will end up starved.

Get off your phone and into a booth and build that relationship from the ground up.

Jennie Laureen

Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

Finding myself in the nothingness.

Jennie's Snippets

I ponder a thought of the day I am still.

Where the world I am caught in ceases to move.

The irregardless lectures my mind yells at me suddenly stops.

And I lie alone lost in my own motionless.

My lids close firmly shut.

My breathing goes deep and lasts long.

And my ears hear nothing but the whisper of wind.

My senses are muted and for a short while, I am nothing to the world.

My discussion is not a reflection on the loss of life.

But rather a beautiful non-existence.

The world no longer cries for my attention.

My energy no longer becomes expelled in meaningless squabbles.

I’m routinely lost in a cycle of silence.

My mind is eased and my heart is calm.

I will only live in this for a moment.

But I’ll return to this peace again.

When my chaotic world must halt so that I can bear it, again. And again. And again.

Finding peace is something our world troubles to find. But, I need to find those moments where I am at full peace from the chaos I am thrown in. I don’t want the partial peace that people find in a quick walk or a breath of fresh air outside of the office.

This peace is separating myself from every point of contact and I am suddenly still and motionless knowing that in the next few moments the world no longer needs me.

Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

I don’t need you to like me for me to be happy!

Lead

You see – I’ve been labeled the “happy person.” I am the person that most people go to if they need a boost of energy, or a shoulder to cry on, or an ear for someone to talk to. Loving people just comes naturally to me. It brings an abundance of joy to my life to know that someone feels loved. Not everyone gets that opportunity to pour so deeply into someone, and I love the fact that I get that opportunity on a daily basis.

However, no matter how much love I exhibit there will always be people who hate me even if they don’t want to admit it. I’ve been around long enough to know who hates me and who loves me.

And the thing is – it doesn’t bother me. At least not like it used to. In fact, it brings a huge smile to my face!

You see…I refuse to allow someone to break my spirit because I am a woman on a mission and I plan to accomplish it daily. Let me say it again – DAILY.

Did you know that Jesus said in John 15:18 “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belong to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out the world. That is why the world hates you.”

Honestly, to know that people are against me helps me to know that I am going in the right direction. I won’t allow them to falter or hesitate my actions because what God has entrusted to me is worth so much more.

I cannot allow my thoughts and time to be spent worrying about what my haters say.

To allow them to break my spirit means for me to give in to the temptation to question what God has promised me.

Therefore, I will brush it off my shoulder, remember the truths that I’ve been promised, and keep strutting in the direction that I see.

I can honestly laugh at this next mention. Because….people who appreciate me say the SAME THING as the people who hate me. Such as:

You smile so much!
You’re so happy!
You have so much energy!

Their tone of voice changes. Isn’t it funny how they work both ways? My point is…which voice am I going to listen to you? Certainly not the people who think my traits are disgustingly annoying ( yes – I have heard that too [haha] ).

Successful and happy people do not adhere to the words of their enemies to only back down. They use it as their fuel. It drives them and reminds them that they wish not to live in a world where people like themselves don’t exist.

You will have people who hate you.

The best thing you can do…………………………………………………………………………………. Love them.

Photo by Alejandro Alvarez on Unsplash

Set boundaries for your family if you want a rewarding relationship with your significant other.

Love

It took me time to realize what was causing me so much stress and strain over the holidays and in general life settings. It wasn’t until I had a startling conversation with my significant other that helped me open my eyes to how much of a hold certain people had in how I made my decisions.

There are people in our lives that mean more to us than life itself. You would give up what was your last, you would love until your last breath, and you would sacrifice yourself to ensure their safety. To me, this represents my family.

We all have some form of family – whether through blood, marriage, real or imaginary adoption. These are your forever people. They will stick around until death parts you. These people deserve attention, love, praise, admiration, etc. They create the make-up of who we ultimately are and eventually become.

I love my family.

But, as I look at the future I want to create and the dream I envision in my head that I want to be a reality, my steps don’t align with the steps my family wants me to take.

My family has molded me, in many ways, to who I am. I also have my friends, my church, and my education that have molded me in other ways that I also give credit to. I am a Robinson, but I am also Jennie. A different person from the rest of my family just like they are all different from myself and each other.

We all have varying ethical standards and models of behavior that we follow based on our personal life experiences. We clash because it doesn’t always align.

This holiday season, the time of year where we spend a significant amount of time with our family, I realized that I have to start setting boundaries to prepare for the future I want to see. I really value creating a sustainable, loving, and fair relationship that communicates and listens to each other. I value this above many things!

My significant other, the amazing Bruce Hayes, is someone I have been with for over 7 years. Yes – I will marry him and I literally can not wait! We have had a million conversations about the marriage we want to create. We have seen the successes and pitfalls of other couples and we know what we want to have and what we want to avoid.

This year, and every year, we have spent the majority of our days with my family: Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve, New Years Day. Every holiday is centered on my side of the family. The woman’s side.

My dad has said on a handful of occasions that he doesn’t feel appreciated. Father’s day is not a big day we celebrate, his birthday isn’t made into a grande ordeal, and we hardly make a significant effort about visiting his side of the family even though we love them equally.

The point is, I made every effort this year to please my family. Every time they wailed about me not spending time with them I caved and satisfied their needs. Therefore, I spent Christmas Eve, most of Christmas, and I will be spending New Year’s Eve and New Years with them.

One of my sister’s said to me: “You aren’t even engaged. Family should come first.”

Sure…there is a lot of truth to that statement, but what am I creating in our relationship NOW by allowing this?

Marriage doesn’t change how you act as a couple – it’s what you build prior to that, that will determine how your marriage will be.

I never want Bruce to feel like I don’t care about his side of the family. I don’t ever want Bruce to feel insignificant because we don’t celebrate Fathers’ day with as much enthusiasm and excitement as Mother’s day!

Bruce has told me on several occasions that he can’t wait to be a dad, and he wants to be a great one!! I want to take that time to build appreciation into our relationship and care just as much about his wants and needs during the holidays and every other celebration.

I want to build a marriage that is fair and loving. Where we listen to each other’s needs/wants so we can grow together. We will change as people as we age and experience life. I need/want to build a foundation that can support the changes.

I know my family wants me for the entire holiday, and that makes me feel SO good to be loved and wanted. But Bruce’s family wants him there too, and they also want to see me, because we are building a future together.

I need to set boundaries for my family – when to say yes to their wants so I can spend time with them, and when to say no to their wants so that I can meet Bruce’s needs.

What are you building in your relationship now to prepare for the future you two envision?

Love,

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Raphael Mittendorfer on Unsplash

Stop trying to control everything in your life.

Lead

I’m writing this because it sucks to finally notice – and I am not the only one with this problem. And, yes – it is a problem. The inability to let go of your control.

I had no idea that I needed or wanted the amount of control I desired. I woke up to it because I read an article on recognizing the controllers in your life, and as I read the article I found my self within it. And I wasn’t happy with what I found. Here are a few that I have personally dealt with:

Believing that you are 100% responsible for your success. This sounds really nice because I do believe you are responsible for your success, but not 100%. We have this motto that “failure isn’t an option” and we tend to be overly critical of ourselves, and others when things don’t go as planned. Ex: we didn’t get the job we wanted – we thought we had a perfect resume and a flawless interview – nothing was wrong with it. But, there are circumstances such as good timing and blessing. I was so shocked, and proud, that my significant other got a job just by talking his way into it BECAUSE he was there at the right time with his brother who was interviewing for a job. It’s a coincidence and a major blessing for him! I wouldn’t have thought it possible.
You invest too much time trying to convince other people to change. We tend to have this mentality that we believe we know what’s best for everyone. We will even do our best to see what we envision for their lives to come true. We will “give you advice” when you didn’t ask for it, or paint of picture of what your life “could” be like, and even get upset when you do something different than what we think is best! Reality check – the only person who knows what’s best for them IS THE PERSON – not you (or me).
Most of our energy is zapped by trying to prevent bad things from happening. Rather than being smart and preparing for the hurricane, we will altogether try and stop it. All that energy is spent trying to prevent the big bad wolf from entering our home when in reality he eventually breaks in at some point.
We do everything ourselves – we don’t assign our to-do list to anyone. I can already see how bad this could be if I ever want to make it to the C-Suite. I KNOW I have taken on everything possible because I do believe that I can do it exactly right – without fault! And when I do fail – it’s really hard for me to admit and I am already trying to correct it OR MAKE UP FOR IT!

Having too much control essentially removes you from the quality of life you were meant to live.

I have compiled a list below that also defines a control freak, and some of them sting! Because I absolutely love people, but I see myself in a few of these and I hate it. Want to know if you are a control freak too? Read some of these below:

You believe that if someone would change one or two things about themselves then life, and yourself, would be better so you try to “help them” change this behavior by pointing it out, usually over and over.
You micromanage others to make them fit your (often unrealistic) expectations.
You judge others’ behavior as right or wrong and passive-aggressively withhold attention until they fall in line with your expectations.
You give out “constructive criticism” to meet your own agenda.
You manage how others see you by changing who you are or what you believe so they’ll accept you.
You present the worst scenario to influence someone from certain behaviors and certain people.
You have a really hard time with ambiguity and not knowing something.
You talk on behalf of others to explain or dismiss their behavior to others.

The ones I see myself in are: 1, 2, 6, and 7! And I wouldn’t write this blog post UNLESS I have personally been working on these issues myself. I have learned a great deal about myself and the people around me, and I hope the people around me have noticed that I’m trying to change.

However, if you are a control freak like me then here are some things that you need to do to help yourself – and you shouldn’t be trying to change others to make it happen.

We are only responsible for ourselves, and we should take care of ourselves to build beautiful relationships.
Be vulnerable and open. Your mistakes don’t define you – they are a part of what happens in life and teaches you lessons to give to the next generation. We learn from mistakes – not self-de·struct from them.
Be realistic when it comes to your expectations of others. And be realistic about what you can actually do.
Stop being passive-aggressive and be direct in how you feel.
Learn to live with the fact that life is full of the unknown.
Accept confrontation.
Take responsibility for your own happiness – don’t find happiness in others, but for yourself.
Practice controlling your own emotions rather than the people around you.

Matthew 19:26 – But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

I am a Jesus follower! So, being a control goes against what I believe. I just never noticed that I was, and no one honestly pointed it out to me. We are not perfect people, and we are never 100% in control and we must come to terms with that. Because, as a human being, our efforts make it impossible to complete everything and without flaw, but with GOD all things are possible – it becomes a reality. But that requires me to give up control and lean on God. I cannot do everything on my own, and to be honest I really don’t want to because I have learned first hand how exhausting and worrisome it can be.

Especially when it comes to the lives of others.

We must really learn to rely on God and not our abilities. We will drive ourselves nuts, and ruin the plan that God has for us AND the people around us. Our idea of what people should be doing isn’t God-spoken. We don’t know what’s best for everyone because we don’t know them at an intimate level like they do or like God does.

This also applies to the kids we love and mentor, and even our own children. We can’t force our reality of them onto them. It’s their life, and God has a life for them. We can’t force them to listen to us, but we can nudge them to listen to God instead.

We have to step back. Breathe. And only control what we should and that is ourselves.

Love,

Jennie Laureen

Photo by pixpoetry on Unsplash

Stop living inside your head.

Lead, Live

I write not to attract followers. I write not to be confined to a specific routine or to add to my plate of duties. But, that’s what I did because I was told that there is a certain way to blog and to be successful that I must write a certain way, post on a routine, and follow the ideas of pop-culture.

I didn’t start this blog to fall into that category. I started this blog for me because writing was an outlet for the inner struggles that I face. My battle is speaking aloud to the circle of relationships I trust. I choke on the words I want to say. They are screaming in my ears, but never leave the threshold of my mouth to iterate my deepest struggles, needs, passions, and desires.

It’s like there is a rope dangling at the back of my throat and as soon as I get the courage to whisper a sound it lassos the words and forces it back down to my lungs, the oxygen I once had, catches, and I remain silent.

Don’t get me wrong – I am a joyful and loud individual. I love to smile and to laugh. I love to make people feel loved and encouraged. I give everything I have to everyone around me because people deserve someone who cares for them. I will talk your ear off.

But, people forget to realize that the happiest of people struggle too. It’s like there is a misperception that happy people have it all together. That their life is easy and without struggle.

The truth of the matter is – we support so many people and love on so many people that it’s hard for us to allow you to see our weak side because we are currently strong for you.

But then who do we rely on?

YOU. It’s the same people we support that we must learn to rely on. That it’s okay to expose our own worst enemy to those around us because keeping our pains on the inside will chew at your heart and darken your soul.

You’ll soon realize that being a strong and happy individual without exposing your sufferings will soon strip you of the ability to be an emotionally stable rock for those around you. You’ll soon realize that bringing joy will fade because you’re locked into your mental cage.

You can’t see past the inside of your skull, your eyes are hazed over, and you aren’t really in the room.

A word of advice to those who have a friend who has always been their rock, their mentor, and their shoulder to cry on. Just ask them how things are going. Look them in the eye, and ask them about life and help lead them into a conversation and environment where they can expose themselves.

I know how hard it is, and if it wasn’t for one of the most special people in my life – I would still be living inside my head most days and trying to be a rock for everyone else.

Because I have someone who I trust wholeheartedly – things don’t eat away at me like they use to. I am healthier and stronger in my mental state now more than I ever have.

Love,

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Vladislav Muslakov on Unsplash

You were never meant to be wonder woman.

Live

If you are anything like me then you must know the struggle is real when it comes to saying no. If you are anything like me, then you know you are the most reliable person you know, and so does everyone else. With that great strength comes a heavy responsibility because everyone will ask you to do EVERYTHING. Then, they become accustomed to you always saying yes that they no longer ask you – they tell you.

You always throw all the parties and get together’s, or babysit the kids, or take on the new projects at work and lead/train the new people, and let’s not forget the perfect house maid and, for some of you, the best mommies to exist. I think I forgot to mention the socialite of the all these gatherings, always having a smile on your face, and typically well kept-up?

You could also be the star athlete who everyone looks up to, the president of a club and a straight A student working towards your diploma, 1st degree, master’s degree, or even your doctorate. Degrees are great, by the way, but do you always try to be perfect at it?

The thing I am trying to get through to you is this – you try your hardest to be what everyone believes the “Perfect Woman” should be, but in the process have lost your identity as an individual with flaws. Our social media clogs us with perceptions that we as women should be….

A top employee with high marks working towards top management.
A perfect mommy who always spends time with her kids.
Has their house in well-order with every crumb in its place.
Has perfect temperament – never loud or angry!
Strong, but not bossy.
A Godly woman who reads her bible every day.
An athlete, but not too muscly.
Beautiful and ladylike while in public.
A master of sexual gratification in bed. (Side note – married of course.)
The perfect wife who treats her husband as she should with everything he needs.
A friend to all who gives the best advice.

And these are only a few to name, and they come from so many outlets spilling over into our lives. What we hear and what we see ultimately shape us into the people we become, but have we let our senses become desensitized to the marketing of media, and the opinions of others, that we no longer are able to discover our own identity as a woman?

As a woman who was once in your shoes then I must tell you…..say no. You can’t do everything, and you shouldn’t want to. There is no such thing as a perfect woman. If you try then you will lose your identity in this world because flaws shape you into the character that you are.

Mentally? It is not good for you. To become the woman you wish to become then you need to stop listening to the mouths of those around you that tell you who you ought to be, silence the television, and delete social media. At least for a short while. That way you can silence the noise and meditate on your inner soul, focus on the events that develop you and discover who you are for yourself.

You are not perfect. And that’s okay. You don’t have to bow down to the wishes of others and create a version of you that demonstrates perfection. Doing that will prevent you from opening up to your mistakes and imperfections to other women around you who want what is best for you.

You don’t have to have the perfect body, hair, or face. You don’t have to have the most successful career. You don’t have to try and be the best mommy who serves her kid(s) only organic foods. You don’t have to be the perfect wife who does everything for her husband. You don’t have to be the strong friend who allows gives advice.

You don’t have to be ______________________.

You are one person. You can’t do it all. You will drive yourself insane trying to do so. All you can do is be who God created you to be. Keep striving to be a better you, but don’t kill yourself trying to be it all. You can’t. You have your strengths and weaknesses, and I have mine.

Your flaws make you who you are and that’s beautiful because there is only one of you, and only you can walk in your shoes. ❤

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Amanda Dalbjörn on Unsplash

You don’t need someone to hit “like” to know your worth.

Live

I am not a big fan of taking selfies just to post them. Of course, i’ll post a few because I am proud of my outfit or new hair, but on a daily basis? Nope.

It’s not my profession. If you do hair or makeup or are a gym junkie who demonstrates bodily progress then yes – selfie away. Go and market yourself like a pro because you deserve to grow your business!

What I’m referencing is the unmatched proportion of selfies taken by people to just post a selfie. I scroll through Instagram at least twice a day, and sometimes I will see someone post three-four pictures of themselves, or videos of themselves on their story, in a few short hours. That doesn’t seem necessary. We all know what you look like.

Selfies, in and of themselves are not bad, but it’s when you become reliant on the aftermath of your post. The comments and the likes come streaming in and you get a boost of adrenaline or a dose of dopamine that satisfies you.

And this is not a girl problem – it’s a boy problem too.

The issue lies in where your source of energy, joy, and self-confidence comes from. I want you to sit back and think about something:

Do you rely on someone “hearting/liking your picture” to tell you that you are good enough? Beautiful enough? Handsome enough? Strong enough? Loved enough? Are enough…?

If there is one thing that I have learned in life it’s that you can’t rely on what other people think of you in order to understand what your own worth is. You are worthy because the King of Kings loves you regardless of what you have done or will do in your life. You are worthy because you are a human being, and your mother worked very hard to bring you into this world.

You are worthy because there isn’t another soul on this earth that is exactly like you, and we need every person who is uniquely different to create the society we live in. No one can be the same. I don’t want to live in a world where we all try to be the same person – reach the same goals.

No one can be or should be the same.

#relationshipgoals #bodygoals #selfiegoals #stylegoals #vacationgoals #lifegoals

We don’t need reassurance from any one else to tell us: “Hey, I’m reaching those goals so i’m posting to tell you.”

It’s easy to pitfall into a state of reliance on the opinions of others, but we were never meant to live a life striving to please what man believes is good and right.

Galatians 1:10 says “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

We need to step back and see where our heart lies. Walking with Christ is never just a moment of “I accept you as my Lord and Savior” and you are done. This is a journey that lasts until you take your last breath, and it doesn’t get easier.

I challenge you to go 30 days without posting 1 single selfie. Focus on what God thinks of you, and see where your confidence comes from.

Love,

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Andrik Langfield on Unsplash

You can sin as a christian – you just can’t enjoy it.

Live

I do not like it when people tell me that when you finally accept Jesus Christ as your savior – sin must be absent. Obviously, we don’t want to to sin, but we are human. The biggest difference as proof of your salvation, true salvation, is the conviction.

There are 2 types of people that exist when it comes to believers. These are the acknowledgers, and the followers. Any one can simply believe in Jesus Christ – know that he exists and he performed the miracles mentioned in the gospels. But, Satan knows the exact the same thing. Satan knows the bible more than any of us could ever know, because he has existed since the beginning.

But, he does not live or walk with Jesus Christ.

Satan loves sin. It’s his drug, and he wants to pull us in with him because he knows it is enticing. Why do you think he fell from heaven – his love for power!

He wants us to believe that we can WALK with Jesus and LIVE in sin. No, that is not how it works. The bible is absolutely clear with this point. If you are truly saved then the sins we perform will break our hearts – we will be convicted. Sure, sin is great for the fleeting moment you perform it, but if you are saved it is short-lived. You will regret what you did much longer than the moment you allowed it to happen.

I know plenty of people who believe they are saved, and who sin, but they don’t believe anything is wrong. That what they do is okay! This tells me that you do not have a RELATIONSHIP with Jesus Christ.

Look…I am no saint by ANY means! I’ve even told myself that I am so screwed up that I have broken into tears because I hate breaking my savior’s heart. But, I know i’m saved because of my conviction and that I am still madly in love with Christ. I will begin to fear where I stand if I never felt regret for the wrongs I do.

Satan BELIEVES, but he doesn’t have a RELATIONSHIP. That is what separates us from him and allows us to spend eternity with the coolest dude to ever exist.

We also need constant contact with the savior because it’s EASY to slip into our sinful nature. It’s like candy!! So sweet, and so good while you are eating it, but your teeth despise you when you go for to the dentist for your cleaning, and your tummy is upset with you for putting so much sugar in your system!

If you can tell me that you barely open your bible, and pray seldom, but say, “well, I still believe” then how do you think your relationship with Christ is? It’s nonexistent. I am not saying you are going to hell, but you might if you don’t stay plugged in and slip into sin (and not care that you sinned)!

Sinlessness is impossible for our human condition, but Jesus Christ says to go and sin no more. We can find that verse in John 8:11 where Jesus tells a woman caught in adultery to “go and sin no more.” Here, he is not saying to be of “sinless perfection.” Instead, he extended mercy and demanded holiness. He calls us to NOT go back to our sinful nature. We are brand new, sparkling white!

Jesus never abolished the law. It still exists. Remember those 10 commandments? He fulfilled it. Jesus calls us to LOVE, and the rest is easy to follow. When our focus is not centered around doing things right, but loving Jesus and ALL people around you, then everything else falls into place.

It was NEVER meant to be hard. But, we complicate it. All it takes is dedication, and a constant devotion to know who he is daily.

Jennie Laureen

Photo by ORNELLA BINNI on Unsplash

Bad relationships aren’t worth investing in.

Love

There are many of us who think we are incredibly strong-willed in our relationship with God. That there is nothing that can separate us from the love we have for our Savior. Our promises are promises, and these promises are easy to make when we are at our highest spiritual peak.

I bet many of you went to a camp when you were younger and experienced God for the first time, and every time, that you went. And each time you would say the same thing – I’m different and changed and will never go back to the old person I once was, I will drop the sin that is holding me back.

That’s the easiest part – experiencing the freedom, and letting go of everything and giving it to God. Here God – take it.

But everyone always forgets part 2…..the work.

Work requires that you give your best effort to truly letting everything go, and it comes at a cost too many people are not willing to pay….because it hurts.

The most difficult part of your journey is letting go of the people who influenced you into your prior position. This could mean: spending less time with them, or no time with them at all. Regardless, these people influence you no matter how strong your faith is.

Boundaries must be created for you to have a sustainable relationship with Jesus.

I don’t mean: if you don’t cut out these relationships you will inevitably lose your relationship with Christ. No. It doesn’t work that way. Jesus’ love for you is an undeniable love that reaches for you in your darkest depths. Jesus Christ chases you down and down again no matter how many times you turn away because his love is unexplainable.

When I say “cutting out relationships,” I am simply telling you to make a choice. I was once this person who led a “rollercoaster relationship” with Christ because I didn’t want to give up the relationships that I loved, especially when I believed full-heartedly that I could change them.

A rollercoaster has twists and turns, ups and downs, and several spirals. There are peaks and valleys, and highs and lows. It was sickening to see myself go through these phases where Christ and I were walking side by side, then I would stop dead in my tracks. I would be at my peak and plummet to a deep valley.

People influence you whether you want to believe it or not.

We believe we are so strong, and we say “i’m not like that – I can influence them.” Do you have any idea how many times I have heard that? When I hear it, and have given all the advice I can give, I sit back and watch. And every time, I see the people I love the most stumble. Our own strength and capacity cannot influence the lost at an intimate capacity.

We are human and sin is in our nature.

Our goal is to love unconditionally, guide when needed, and introduce the lost to the one who can ultimately influence at an intimate capacity. We can only entangle ourselves but so deeply. Imagine jumping into a pit of twine. At first, it’s pretty easy to move around and breath because you are at the surface. But, once you wiggle and move around further you start to sink, and the web starts to wrap around your arms and legs. It’s rather difficult to escape something that is wrapped around you.

If you have ever been to a trampoline park then you understand quite well. If you jump feet first into the foam pit, it’s much more difficult to climb out. The farther you jump the worse it is, and the more tired you become in trying to climb out and onto the platform.

I have a very small pool of friendships now that I consider just as giving to me as I am to them. They walk close to God, and are “equally yolked.” I can turn to them for advice that is biblically sound rather than culturally driven.

If you are tired of the roller coaster ride like I was then you may want to reconsider who you have decided to keep in your life for the long term. If it damages your ability to keep your relationship with Jesus Christ – is it really worth it when you think about eternity?

Love,

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Mantas Hesthaven on Unsplash

Leaders don’t bark; they bite.

Lead

Over the course of my life I have run across many leaders who have taught me, shaped me, and encouraged me to follow in their footsteps. The biggest lesson I have learned is that there is a major difference between being a leader and being a dictator.

We can all name at least one person who wears the “big shoes.” Those who are seen as the boss. But, what we really notice is if they are capable of being a leader.

One thing is certain – assigning and delivering orders isn’t leading your team. It’s a part of the job.

To be a leader you should be a number of things. But those who just bark orders don’t really create engagement on their team. They must really mean what they say and “bite.” Take a hold of their team and guide their foot steps. Here are a few things I consider important when it comes to leading:

Engagement

As a leader, are you taking the time out of your week, or day, to understand and know who is on your team? As people are hired on as your staff what are doing to know them? I can tell you that I am more willing to work with a leader who knows me personally. Work takes up a considerable amount of my day (8 hours or more). Interacting with someone for that long, and not knowing anything about their personal life, tells your staff you don’t care about them and that they are only their to serve you and the company.

Inspiration

Once you get past the fantasy phase of starting a new job – the work can become mundane, repetitive, and tiresome. That happens, and it’s the leader’s job to recognize it. As a leader, you need to connect your staff back to the original reason why they started working for the company. You also need to remind them, time and time again, that their role is significant to the success of the company. Tell them WHY – not just what. Inspire them and rejuvenate their energy!

Motivation

Once an employee gets a rhythm in their job – they can be hesitant to step out of that rhythm, and do more than what is asked of them without you telling them to do so. As a leader, you need to encourage them to push past their safety bubble, and really give everything they have.There shouldn’t be a culture of “fear” to where they cannot express their ideas – no matter where they are on the ladder of leadership. An idea is an idea – and any idea can benefit the company. Obviously, you want the best from your employees, and you want them to give it their all every day. Well – for that to happen you need to motivate your employees. Show them you are motivated to give it your all, and they will follow suit (the majority will at least).

Development

At some point an employee will hit a wall. They have learned all they can for the current job performed, and need more to learn. As a leader, you are responsible to develop and train your employees – especially if you believe they are capable of doing more. You also need to push those who can certainly do more, but don’t want to.

Seeing the potential in your employees is significant as a leader, but that potential will go no where when there is no development. Potential sounds like a great word, but it’s just potential – not action. An employee can stay in the potential stage their entire life and get nothing done. It can be pulling teeth at times, but if you want to see that potential blossom, and become a moving force then you need to provide training for them to hone their skills and use them.

Follow Me

Being a leader requires that you model the companies vision and mission first. Leaders are the “image” of what we hope to have in our employees. If you don’t first be the model to inspire what you hope to see then you will never see it in your employees.

This article can also be reflected back to those in other leadership positions whether be at: school, church, clubs, committees, etc.

Are you truly a leader, or do you bark orders and expect them to get them done?

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Justin Luebke on Unsplash

Mindless praying isn’t praying.

Jennie's Snippets, Live

How many of us have just PRAYED so diligently for something to happen whether it be big or small? Yep.

I can even remember times where I prayed over and over again for something that I THOUGHT I wanted. For instance, I prayed that God would just open doors (so generic – right?). I had no idea what door, but I wanted A door, any door to open. At the time, I got laid off so I wanted some form of a future ready for me. I know I prayed that prayer well over 50 times every day for weeks on end.

I look back and I laugh at myself because it got answered – just not in the proportion I wanted it to happen, or the way I wanted it to happen.

Sometimes when we pray we have this image of what our answered prayer will look like in our head. But, who says God is going to make your prayer look like the one in your head?

Because the outcome can be so different than what we pictured, and we end up believing that our prayer really wasn’t answered and that God isn’t really listening.

Other times we feel that God answered too many prayers and we can’t handle the change in our life fast enough.

And yet, in other instances, we feel that God didn’t answer a prayer at all because He answered it in a form unrecognizable to us.

But let me tell you something. God hears every word you speak because he made your voice unique to your soul so that he can specifically tune into your words and listen to your cries.

But many times we pray without the end in mind. We are “meal-minded” (thank you Pastor Steven Furtick). We pray and hope for the “next thing” that doesn’t really fill us up, rather than our calling/purpose.

It’s like we pray for toys. When we were kids, at Christmas, we would ask for the best toy on the market. I really wanted baking kits and stuffed animals. And each year the toys kept piling up. By the time I decided to move out of my parent’s house I had so much JUNK. I was lost in a sea of items I didn’t need. I had to shuffle through everything to decide what I wanted to keep – not much of it BTW.

BUT, what if I asked mom early on in life for things I would NEED when I got older? What if, I asked for a savings account to make moving out easier? What if, I asked for pots and pans at 15, a couch at 16, and cleaning supplies at 17? I wouldn’t have junk – I would have what I NEEDED. I would be thinking of the “end” in mind.

Rather than standing in a flood – I’d be floating down the river because I would be smart enough to ask for a boat.

Good thing our God knows our needs. But when we pray let’s be honest about our prayers and not just “pray to pray,” or to pray for the next best thing we think we need. Let’s pray with purpose.

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Ümit Bulut on Unsplash

The small town I left.

Jennie's Snippets

I am from this small town called Henderson, NC. And no, this is not Hendersonville, NC…as so many people have confused us with. I left, not because I hated it, but realized that I was not meant to be confined to a town where my potential had a ceiling.

There is only so far you can reach when the town only holds a few major businesses, and most of them are restaurant chains.

My entire life i’ve been pushed to look beyond what my eyes could see. To close my eyes and imagine where I wanted to be. To dream up the world I wanted to see.

I once had a small town mind. I thought, for sure, I was going to be a woman who worked in a small business, attend a small town church till I died, would soon be married (by 21 years old), and be having a baby at 23. Well…ladies and gentlemen…I am not married, and I am turning 23 this May with an empty womb.

But…God called me to leave – to a different life than what I originally thought up, and it took me awhile to grasp that He wanted me to leave. Because, at first, I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay in my little happy bubble so I could buy a house on the same road my parents lived on, raise my kids near them, and be happy. I refused, my entire life, to give into the bigger dreams I saw in my head and hoped God would change his mind and settle with my plan – haha, yeah right.

But, at a very young age, you know when you hear God’s voice calling you to dive deep and follow the command He has for your life. Especially if that command is much larger than you could ever imagine. And, I know when God has pushed me.

Although I lived in this small town for 20 years of my life…I can look back and see where each push would lead me to leave. I was prepared to leave home and go where I am called to go. Have you ever felt that? I know some of you have. Have you been scared to admit it? I once was.

There are so many people who hate the little town they came from. I once did. But, I don’t believe that any more. Because I cannot forget my roots.

The small town I left built me, grew me, developed me, and pushed me. Without my small town, I would have never had the courage to leave it. It’s always nice to go back and visit because it brings a flood of memories back of where I once was to where I am now.

The idea isn’t to forget my small town, but to remember it. I am not who I am without it.

I am glad God has placed a much larger responsibility on my shoulders than I ever thought possible. My small town made me ready.

Thank you Henderson for all of that.

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Larry Tseng on Unsplash

Jennie Laureen

Winning The Woman Within

Author: Jennie Laureen Robinson Hayes

24 reasons to love 24!

Finding my lost identity.

Finding real adult friends seems almost impossible.

Finding myself in the nothingness.

I don’t need you to like me for me to be happy!

You see…I refuse to allow someone to break my spirit because I am a woman on a mission and I plan to accomplish it daily. Let me say it again – DAILY.

To allow them to break my spirit means for me to give in to the temptation to question what God has promised me.

Successful and happy people do not adhere to the words of their enemies to only back down. They use it as their fuel. It drives them and reminds them that they wish not to live in a world where people like themselves don’t exist.

Set boundaries for your family if you want a rewarding relationship with your significant other.

Marriage doesn’t change how you act as a couple – it’s what you build prior to that, that will determine how your marriage will be.

I need to set boundaries for my family – when to say yes to their wants so I can spend time with them, and when to say no to their wants so that I can meet Bruce’s needs.

Stop trying to control everything in your life.

Having too much control essentially removes you from the quality of life you were meant to live.

Matthew 19:26 – But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Stop living inside your head.

The truth of the matter is – we support so many people and love on so many people that it’s hard for us to allow you to see our weak side because we are currently strong for you.

You can’t see past the inside of your skull, your eyes are hazed over, and you aren’t really in the room.

You don’t need someone to hit “like” to know your worth.

Do you rely on someone “hearting/liking your picture” to tell you that you are good enough? Beautiful enough? Handsome enough? Strong enough? Loved enough? Are enough…?

It’s easy to pitfall into a state of reliance on the opinions of others, but we were never meant to live a life striving to please what man believes is good and right.

You can sin as a christian – you just can’t enjoy it.

Bad relationships aren’t worth investing in.

Boundaries must be created for you to have a sustainable relationship with Jesus.

People influence you whether you want to believe it or not.

We are human and sin is in our nature.

Leaders don’t bark; they bite.

Engagement

Inspiration

Motivation

Development

Follow Me

Are you truly a leader, or do you bark orders and expect them to get them done?

Mindless praying isn’t praying.

Sometimes when we pray we have this image of what our answered prayer will look like in our head. But, who says God is going to make your prayer look like the one in your head?

But let me tell you something. God hears every word you speak because he made your voice unique to your soul so that he can specifically tune into your words and listen to your cries.

Rather than standing in a flood – I’d be floating down the river because I would be smart enough to ask for a boat.

The small town I left.