Christ

Finding my lost identity.

Jennie's Snippets

I went on a mission trip to Kenya back in April of this year. I went with an excited and expectant heart to minister to every woman, every girl, and every child that my eyes laid on. I had a heart full of love to pour out onto any soul who stumbled along my path.

I prepared, I fasted, and I prayed to see God move in remarkable ways in the lives of those who had little to cling to. I was ready.

What I did not prepare for was what it would be like to return home.

I went with a team of other women who are just remarkable at children’s ministry. Our hearts were aligned with one mission in sight. Together, we held a children’s ministry conference for over 100 girls with over 40 dedicating their lives to Christ admitting that Christ’s love is powerful enough to forgive them and lead them, we visited and loved on babies at an abandoned baby home, and we did ministry at an orphanage with girls and boys aging from 2 to 18.

We were living and breathing the mission field. I mean, we do every day no matter where we are, but we got to do the dirtier work of it all.

The thing is… I have been out of the country doing mission work before and came home, sad, but nothing like this.

Ever since I was a little girl, sitting at the Pilgrimage Conference, God spoke to me. He TOLD me that my life was not meant to be lived lavishly. That my feet will one day wander into something bigger than my body could handle. That my feet would land in Africa and a child residing there would become my own.

Sounds crazy to you. But for me my heart has clung to it wondering when it would happen. Praying, hoping, expecting – waiting.

When Pam, our conference girls director, invited me to go on this trip I was absolutely terrified. I had let fear of war, famine and disease infiltrate my mind that I almost said no.

But Pam didn’t know the desire of my heart and the promise that God made me. In my decision, I was more fearful that I wouldn’t allow his promise to become a reality.  Before I lost my courage I quickly told Pam……YES!

Christ was powerful. He worked in all those kids lives, but most importantly He worked in mine.

I was not prepared for the amount of emptiness I would feel once I got home. I felt AT home in Kenya. I could have stayed my whole life – right there. I wouldn’t miss a single thing that America called a “comfortable” lifestyle.

I don’t need a fancy car, I don’t need a large home, I don’t need a big paycheck, I don’t need designer clothes, or a protected life. I’m simply joyful with being alive.

I just wish I could have given more and stayed longer there.

It has taken me a long time to write this because I wasn’t sure of who I was when I got back. It was difficult for me to write something so sensitive. I felt so lost because all I wanted to do was get back on a plane to Africa.

When I got to my apartment, the night of my arrival to America, I went straight to my bed and cried myself to sleep.

I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to be there.

Today is much different than that first night back. During a prayer night at Elevation Raleigh my pastor called for a night of prayer rather than a teaching.  He had no idea how much I needed it.

God knew what I was struggling with, and behold, an older woman who had been in similar shoes prayed with me and helped me understand that I wasn’t alone in my loss and suffering.

I was finally able to breathe again, but I had to decide who I was, and what God’s plan was going to be for me that moment onward. What did HE want for me?

Ministry is at the heart of who I am and all that I am. I can’t breathe unless I am being a servant for Christ. I am no one unless Christ gives me his commands to do his work. The mission trip REMINDED me of my mission (both here and there – local and international).

I wasn’t giving enough while I was serving in America. And, I am desperate to serve more with every opportunity God gives me.

My heart is full and expectant – I have so much for me to pour out.

And God’s promise for me will prevail. He only gave me a taste with my visit. Kenya, currently, does not allow for international adoption, but one day one of those children at THAT orphanage (which will remain unnamed) will call me mommy <3.

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Velizar Ivanov on Unsplash

You can sin as a christian – you just can’t enjoy it.

Live

I do not like it when people tell me that when you finally accept Jesus Christ as your savior – sin must be absent. Obviously, we don’t want to to sin, but we are human. The biggest difference as proof of your salvation, true salvation, is the conviction.

There are 2 types of people that exist when it comes to believers. These are the acknowledgers, and the followers. Any one can simply believe in Jesus Christ – know that he exists and he performed the miracles mentioned in the gospels. But, Satan knows the exact the same thing. Satan knows the bible more than any of us could ever know, because he has existed since the beginning.

But, he does not live or walk with Jesus Christ.

Satan loves sin. It’s his drug, and he wants to pull us in with him because he knows it is enticing. Why do you think he fell from heaven – his love for power!

He wants us to believe that we can WALK with Jesus and LIVE in sin. No, that is not how it works. The bible is absolutely clear with this point. If you are truly saved then the sins we perform will break our hearts – we will be convicted. Sure, sin is great for the fleeting moment you perform it, but  if you are saved it is short-lived. You will regret what you did much longer than the moment you allowed it to happen.

I know plenty of people who believe they are saved, and who sin, but they don’t believe anything is wrong. That what they do is okay! This tells me that you do not have a RELATIONSHIP with Jesus Christ.

Look…I am no saint by ANY means! I’ve even told myself that I am so screwed up that I have broken into tears because I hate breaking my savior’s heart. But, I know i’m saved because of my conviction and that I am still madly in love with Christ. I will begin to fear where I stand if I never felt regret for the wrongs I do.

Satan BELIEVES, but he doesn’t have a RELATIONSHIP. That is what separates us from him and allows us to spend eternity with the coolest dude to ever exist.

We also need constant contact with the savior because it’s EASY to slip into our sinful nature. It’s like candy!! So sweet, and so good while you are eating it, but your teeth despise you when you go for to the dentist for your cleaning, and your tummy is upset with you for putting so much sugar in your system!

If you can tell me that you barely open your bible, and pray seldom, but say, “well, I still believe” then how do you think your relationship with Christ is? It’s nonexistent. I am not saying you are going to hell, but you might if you don’t stay plugged in and slip into sin (and not care that you sinned)!

Sinlessness is impossible for our human condition, but Jesus Christ says to go and sin no more.  We can find that verse in John 8:11 where Jesus tells a woman caught in adultery to “go and sin no more.” Here, he is not saying to be of “sinless perfection.” Instead, he extended mercy and demanded holiness. He calls us to NOT go back to our sinful nature. We are brand new, sparkling white!

Jesus never abolished the law. It still exists. Remember those 10 commandments? He fulfilled it. Jesus calls us to LOVE, and the rest is easy to follow. When our focus is not centered around doing things right, but loving Jesus and ALL people around you, then everything else falls into place.

It was NEVER meant to be hard. But, we complicate it. All it takes is dedication, and a constant devotion to know who he is daily.

Jennie Laureen

 

 

 

Photo by ORNELLA BINNI on Unsplash