You need to be independent in your romantic relationships.

Love

I’m writing this article from my perspective of being in a long-term relationship, and I didn’t learn this until probably year 4 or 5 of being with Bruce, and we are about to hit year 8 (geez-la-weez). And for the record, year 4 or 5 is when we became adults – 18/19 (I think I was 20) years of age – so this will definitely look different for someone who is starting to date someone in their 20’s!

It is vital that you maintain some level of independence while in a loving and caring relationship with someone. Codependency isn’t healthy. Codependency is, in relative terms, an “addiction to the relationship.” It means that one cannot function, physically or psychologically, without their partner.

It may sound crazy, but it’s similar to being addicted to a substance. Both have psychological effects that make someone dependent on the “item” or “you” to where life cannot continue unless that “item” or “you” is a present and constant force in their life.

And codependency can get a little fuzzy when you first start dating. At the beginning of the relationship that’s all you want. You want to spend every second with this person, text and call them around the clock, and just be with them! And that is OKAY. Because that is the honeymoon stage.

The honeymoon stage is where couples are “ooey-gooey,” “lovey-dovey,” and are, simply put, love struck. You cannot see any wrong in them – they are perfect and with no flaw. You two can conquer the world, get married, have babies, and live happily ever after! This stage doesn’t last long – typically between 3 months to a little less than 1 year.

Once the honeymoon stage is over then you need to observe how you interact in the relationship and how your partner interacts in the relationship. And, there are some signs of codependency that is easy to catch as long as you are looking for them.

1. Your “purpose” in life seems to revolve around your partner which involves making extreme sacrifices to satisfy their needs.

For example, you are about to go on vacation with your family. Your flight leaves the next day. Your partner calls you, crying, because he/she is going to miss you too much for you to go and begs you to stay. Without question, maybe some hesitation, you stay. You don’t go on that trip with your family, but you really should have!

2. Your emotional involvement in the relationship is quiet because you constantly worry about their opinion. Therefore, when unsatisfied, a conversation is never had because you want to avoid an argument.

For example, you really want to discuss where you are in the relationship. Maybe you do notice that you need some space, but are too worried that your partner may look at you differently. That he/she may break it off because you aren’t “happy” in the relationship. Because of that you stay quiet and choose not to have that conversation because the relationship matters more than your own emotional well-being. You pretend to be happy.

3. Saying no to your partner doesn’t feel like an option even when it drains you mentally, physically, and financially.

This is a tough one because I have trouble saying no any way due to my personality type because I enjoy helping people. But, we aren’t called to be people-pleasers. God calls us according to his will and his way. Therefore, saying no to something that doesn’t align with his word is VITAL.

Regardless, as an example, when your partner asks you to do something you have trouble saying no because you want to keep the peace and the relationship “stable.” But, let me tell you something, if your relationship is codependent than you are in a very unstable relationship. It’s like losing yourself.

4. Boundaries no longer exist.

For example, you have a strong faith but somehow this relationship becomes more important than that faith you have. You will try things, do things, and say things with your partner (because they suggest and/or say so) that goes against everything you believe. That line in the sand has been crossed.

5. You, or they, need constant reassurance that your relationship is okay. That you or your partner feel loved, and that others approve of your relationship.

For example, you have to constantly ask your partner “do you love me?” Or, you have to ask your friends how your relationship looks or if your partner is a good guy/gal to be with. And when they say he/she isn’t good you simply ignore the warning and, again, ask your partner “do you love me?” You aren’t confident in each other’s relationship and you seek approval.

6. Relationships outside of your romantic relationship, including friends and family, become nonexistent. Your partner takes up all of your time. And, when you do finally make time for your friends and family, your partner makes your feel guilty for it.

This one doesn’t need explaining, but is the most obvious indicator of codependency. Your life revolves solely around your partner and no one else. You become isolated.

Being in a codependent relationship isn’t satisfying – it’s life wrecking. As a person, you have so much potential that you deserve to discover. God doesn’t call us to depend on a partner, but to depend on him. This isn’t a two-way street with just you and your partner. God has to be involved in your relationship. We rely on his strength and his will for our life – not our partners.

Our partners can never give us the right direction for our life. They love you and care for you, but will never know you as intimately as God knows you. Your partner can pray for you and be a sturdy foundation, but cannot control who you are meant to be/become.

If your partner tries to control you and allows you little freedom and no independence then it is most likely time to step away from the relationship.

I am not saying that if and when you show some signs of codependency (every once in a while) that it’s time to end it.

We all have our moments or time-periods where we become a little more dependent on our partner, but that shouldn’t turn into a pattern.

Being independent in a relationship means loving your partner for who they are and encouraging them to seek God and develop a greater faith in him. Don’t control your partner to be who you think they should be – that’s completely against what God asks of us. And don’t allow someone to control you – you deserve better.

Bruce and I love each other. With that comes an understanding that we each have lives. We each have friends that we love and care about. We each have goals that we want to achieve. We support each other in them, but we don’t make decisions based on what the other says nor do we try to control the outcome of each other’s life.

Let’s say it’s a Friday night and I just saw Bruce Thursday night (we went out to dinner or something). I don’t have plans and would love to spend time with him again, but he has a game night planned with a few of his buddies. I will never ask him to cancel those plans to spend time with me. I JUST saw him. He has friends and he deserves to have friends outside of our relationship, because that is what makes a healthy relationship in the first place.

We are two independent people who have decided that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. That doesn’t mean sacrificing everything that we are, want to become, or are meant to be to satisfy the other. We are in mutual agreement with the direction that God has for our lives. We support each other, love each other, push each other to be better than before (towards God), but will never manipulate, control, or force what we think is “right” on each other.

And to get to that spot requires time, trust and patience.

You don’t earn that kind of relationship over night.

You have to face trials, work through the tough times and be willing to discuss difficult questions and face the facts in all of it – BEFORE MARRIAGE. I would hate to enter into marriage with someone that I honestly don’t know at all.

And to be honest, I wanted to be a married women after year 3, but I am so glad we didn’t because I wasn’t fully confident in us to become a married couple until the end of year 6. We grew up, became adults, and learned to lead independent lives outside of our relationship.

Side note: at year 6 I turned 22 years old. The timeline will look different for you! Please don’t go and wait 6 years to get married because that’s the “right time.” You could get married after year 2 or year 10. You will know when you are in a confident place – I promise.

Love,

Jennie Laureen

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24 reasons to love 24!

Live

Okay, so right now I am 23 years old. In less than 2 days I will be 24 years old. I don’t know about you, but I feel like turning 24 is a major life changing moment. I am jittery with excitement at the fact that I am going to be 24 years old!

Because, 24 isn’t 23. At 23, I still feel like I am a kid with no experience – even though that is the farthest from the truth! I mean….I graduated college 3 years ago! But, that perception is still there. 23 still feels so young.

But 24…….I’m a freaking adult!! I feel “grown-up” and I have this “I made it; I survived” attitude. I’m in my mid-twenties!!!

So, as I prepare for the big celebration, because I can be a bit dramatic with celebrations, I have compiled 24 major reasons to love turning and being 24 years of age!

1. You are officially granted the “adult status.”

Being an adult is actually a lot of fun to me. Sure, I had tons of fun as a teenager, college-kid, and young adult. However, those stages were my growing pains. In all of it I was discovering who I was and I hiccuped a lot in the things I thought I would be. Being an adult comes with it’s responsibilities, and I am PROUD that I have established a work-life balance and can pay my bills without bugging my parents for help!

I am proud that I can make it on my own. I am my own person who handles all aspects of my life. (Of course with the Lord’s guidance – duh 😉 ).

2. You don’t give 2 cents about someone else’s opinion any more.

As you grow up, you worry SO much, too much, about what everyone else thinks. As a church goer – it’s a lot worse. You pray “Dear God, don’t let me screw up and be “cast out.” But now it’s so different. I am who GOD MADE ME TO BE. I listen to his direction – not someone else’s. There is not one person who knows you better than you and God combined.

3. You own up to your mistakes.

You no longer want to try to blame someone else for something you obviously did. You have the courage to own up to the things you screw up on, but realize it’s worth it in the end.

4. Relationships matter so much more.

As you get older you realize that certain friendships and relationships are worth keeping. Even though you “bicker” and argue your perspective – the real friends of yours honor your point of view rather than tear you down for it. And that my friends is the reason you should keep them. You don’t leave them over petty arguments because you’ve built a foundation with these people – your so called Lifers.

5. Family becomes your rock.

In high school, and in college, all you wanted to do was leave your parents and siblings behind. Get out of the house and rule your own world. It’s like turning 18 and thinking “I know everything better than my mom and dad.” Then, you think about it and realize “geez, I guess they were right.”

Your family knows you better than anyone else. And you realize, as grey hairs start to poke out of their scalp, their advice is worth listening too and they deserve your respect and attention.

6. Parents become your friends – not your enemies.

It’s finally time to say goodbye to who’s right and who’s wrong. You both come to terms with what each other chooses to believe and love each other for it. Because you’d rather not sacrifice your relationship with them because you “oh so heartedly believe you are correct” like you used to think. The relationship is more important.

7. You realize who you are and where you are going.

Some waters you no longer want to test. You have grown out of the “rebellious stage,” have a job and have actual goals you want to pursue. You now pull your pants up and say “I’m going to do them.”

8. And if you don’t, it’s okay.

Even if you have NO idea what you want to do and where to go – that’s okay! Some of us don’t even figure it out until we are 30 – but that’s the beauty of being an adult, right? We can constantly change who we are going to grow up to be and own up to whatever path we take.

9. Staying home is like vacation.

For me this is true. I am so tired after a long day of work and graduate school that the best thing that can happen to me is the opportunity to sleep at home and watch New Girl all day. It’s a treasure I will never ever ever ever take for granted again.

10. There are ton of celebrations going on.

Literally, I have been to a dozen weddings and mid-20 celebrations. It’s like – I have moneyyy to spend because I’m an adult and so the celebrations rock!! No more cheap pizza, but i’ll take a bit of that sushi off your plate 😉

11. You realize you don’t have to say yes to everything.

At this point in your life you have figured out that your time is limited too. You have nothing to prove to any one and you don’t want to sacrifice your sleep. You learn to say yes to important things and no to others that don’t matter to you.

12. Your health starts to really matter.

You don’t complain about the kind of food you eat. In fact, you start to really enjoy the fact that you are taking care of yourself. You don’t care about soda or chips any more or binging on anything bad for you. In fact, you start to care about your health and whether or not you are doing yourself a service by eating that donut.

13. You realize that things you did as a kid were not as crazy as what kids are doing today.

Honestly, I really thought that some of the things I did as a kid like sniffing the Mr. Sketch scented markers because..well..they smelled awesome. At least I am not trying to eat a Tide Pod. Like…what? You realize you turned out okay and hopefully those younger than you will too!

14. You are old enough to appreciate technology and use it excellently, but you aren’t completely absorbed by it. You know how to put the phone down.

Technology has come a long way. I remember my very first fat flip phone in 7th grade. It was the best thing ever. I even remember by first iPhone 4 in high school. The world changed for me. But, at 24 – I have priorities and that doesn’t involve my face on a screen 24/7.

15. Judging people are a thing of the past.

You just get over feeling the need to criticize someone for who they are, the life they choose, and the lifestyle they lead. It’s just not up to you to change them even if you realize that they could be better. You realize you really aren’t in control – God is. Your job is to just love and everybody and guide as best as you can.

16. Forgiveness is a big deal.

You want to be forgiven just as much as the next person does. You realize you have seriously hurt people and you don’t want them to hold a grudge against you. You want to be forgiven, and also want to show forgiveness to others because you get it.

17. Forgiveness isn’t an excuse to get walked all over.

You also realize that forgiveness is for yourself too. You let go of the pain that someone caused, but you also create some distance. Trust is gained in drips and lost in buckets. You realize that it’s okay to forgive, but that doesn’t mean to let your heart get ripped a part over and over again. You realize you have to protect yourself too!

18. You are valuable no matter what anyone else thinks.

You realize you are an asset to the world. Like I said at #1 – you don’t give 2 cents about any one else’s opinion. You realize your worth and the ones you care about will see it too.

19. Good things take time.

You realize that there is no such thing as a quick fix. If something is going to be good and long lasting (especially in relationships) it takes time and effort. You have to build it from the ground up. In high school (and college) people are looking for relationships and will sometimes sacrifice meaningful conversation and relational building with chatty talk just to be with someone. Well…I’m not wasting my time anymore and will only pour into those relationships that matter.

20. New things are worth experiencing.

Now that I have the money to travel I can’t wait to see what the world offers. I don’t say no to life experiences because of fear. I only say no to things that don’t matter (like going to a late-night party because sleep matters to me lol. I say yes to things that develop me as a person and opens my eyes to what the world is really like – the good and the bad. I don’t want to be ignorant – I want to be open.

21. Settling isn’t an option.

You realize that you won’t settle for less than your worth. I won’t stay friends with someone who doesn’t care. I won’t stay at a job that I hate. I won’t settle for something less when I know, and feel, that something even better is around the corner.

22. You don’t have to be in control all the time.

You don’t have to have your hands all in the pot all the time. Not everything will always go as planned and I realize that I don’t need to freak out about it all the time. If it goes a different direction then I learn from it rather than freak about it.

23. You realize the importance of self-development.

School didn’t stop when I graduated college. There is more to learn that college never taught me. You realize, out of everything, the importance of continually developing who you are and generating new skill sets that enhance yourself as a person and employee. It also keeps your brain active!

24. My relationship with Christ matters more to me than any one human being.

I’m a Jesus Freak. You know that! And at this point in my life I just don’t care for other people to deter me from my real love and passion which is following Christ. At this point, I don’t want to let him go and I don’t want any one stopping me from reaching him. And if they do -they probably aren’t worth keeping.

I honestly cannot wait to turn 24!

Love,

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Finding real adult friends seems almost impossible.

Love

Relationships are tough to build. They require persistence, connection, exposure and vulnerability. They require us to be more than a face and a person to hang out with – especially if our hope is to connect with someone so that we can bear our true selves. We want to be able to relate to one another on a deeper level.

But, the ability to build relationships gets harder the older we get.

I’ve been talking to some of my closest friends, who are between the ages of 20 and 27, and their greatest struggle is finding relationships of their own that result in the same deep connections they had with the friends they grew up with.

As we all know, we grow up and move away to new cities with new jobs, or to new opportunities. We still have those close relationships we built when we were younger, we don’t forget those, but we still need friends to lean on in this new place we plant ourselves.

The difference for making friends now is that we aren’t put in a situation where it’s easy to make friends. All throughout our school life, and college, we were surrounded by people that we saw almost every single day. We had no choice but to make the effort to get to know them and expose ourselves to them. We had the TIME to build and nurture those relationships.

Today, as an adult, I work all day. Everyone is doing their job and trying to get their part done. Relationships are cast aside and you are considered a singular part of a complicated machine. You keep moving and the machine keeps functioning.

We are planted in places where relationships aren’t considered important, but that doesn’t mean we can’t build them.

Not only that, but we forget that adults have gone through some nasty relationships.

Adult’s carry a weight of mistrust for people because of their past mishappenings. They don’t let people in as easily as they did in their youth.

If we want to be considered a friend then it’s our job to work on the relationship we desire to have. We make the effort.

We can’t hold expectations for the people we want to be friends with to make the effort themselves first.

We can’t just “show-up” in their lives and expect for them to automatically trust and love us. They have baggage and we must offer a shoulder to help them carry it. We won’t gain their trust unless we show what we are willing to give up or expose first.

I don’t ever believe that friendships should come easy. If friendships come in easily then they leave just as easily.

For relationships to truly matter then we must do our part. Text and call them first, ask to hang out first, tell your story first. AND, continue to do so until it’s consistent. Don’t do it one time – do it multiple times. It takes TIME and PERSISTENCE in order to show them that you care and are trying.

Adults don’t want to waste their time on a one-off relationship. Who wants to expose their deepest struggles and desires just for someone to leave tomorrow? Adults, like myself, are looking for stability in their relationships.

You must take the chance to be open and exposed if you want to find a relationship that is fulfilling. As humans, we need friendship and connection to survive.

Sadly, we live in a world where quick satisfaction of “likes” and “comments” are encouraged to satiate our hunger for more, but in the end, we will end up starved.

Get off your phone and into a booth and build that relationship from the ground up.

Jennie Laureen

Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

Finding myself in the nothingness.

Jennie's Snippets

I ponder a thought of the day I am still.

Where the world I am caught in ceases to move.

The irregardless lectures my mind yells at me suddenly stops.

And I lie alone lost in my own motionless.

My lids close firmly shut.

My breathing goes deep and lasts long.

And my ears hear nothing but the whisper of wind.

My senses are muted and for a short while, I am nothing to the world.

My discussion is not a reflection on the loss of life.

But rather a beautiful non-existence.

The world no longer cries for my attention.

My energy no longer becomes expelled in meaningless squabbles.

I’m routinely lost in a cycle of silence.

My mind is eased and my heart is calm.

I will only live in this for a moment.

But I’ll return to this peace again.

When my chaotic world must halt so that I can bear it, again. And again. And again.

Finding peace is something our world troubles to find. But, I need to find those moments where I am at full peace from the chaos I am thrown in. I don’t want the partial peace that people find in a quick walk or a breath of fresh air outside of the office.

This peace is separating myself from every point of contact and I am suddenly still and motionless knowing that in the next few moments the world no longer needs me.

Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

I don’t need you to like me for me to be happy!

Lead

You see – I’ve been labeled the “happy person.” I am the person that most people go to if they need a boost of energy, or a shoulder to cry on, or an ear for someone to talk to. Loving people just comes naturally to me. It brings an abundance of joy to my life to know that someone feels loved. Not everyone gets that opportunity to pour so deeply into someone, and I love the fact that I get that opportunity on a daily basis.

However, no matter how much love I exhibit there will always be people who hate me even if they don’t want to admit it. I’ve been around long enough to know who hates me and who loves me.

And the thing is – it doesn’t bother me. At least not like it used to. In fact, it brings a huge smile to my face!

You see…I refuse to allow someone to break my spirit because I am a woman on a mission and I plan to accomplish it daily. Let me say it again – DAILY.

Did you know that Jesus said in John 15:18 “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belong to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out the world. That is why the world hates you.”

Honestly, to know that people are against me helps me to know that I am going in the right direction. I won’t allow them to falter or hesitate my actions because what God has entrusted to me is worth so much more.

I cannot allow my thoughts and time to be spent worrying about what my haters say.

To allow them to break my spirit means for me to give in to the temptation to question what God has promised me.

Therefore, I will brush it off my shoulder, remember the truths that I’ve been promised, and keep strutting in the direction that I see.

I can honestly laugh at this next mention. Because….people who appreciate me say the SAME THING as the people who hate me. Such as:

You smile so much!
You’re so happy!
You have so much energy!

Their tone of voice changes. Isn’t it funny how they work both ways? My point is…which voice am I going to listen to you? Certainly not the people who think my traits are disgustingly annoying ( yes – I have heard that too [haha] ).

Successful and happy people do not adhere to the words of their enemies to only back down. They use it as their fuel. It drives them and reminds them that they wish not to live in a world where people like themselves don’t exist.

You will have people who hate you.

The best thing you can do…………………………………………………………………………………. Love them.

Photo by Alejandro Alvarez on Unsplash

Stop living inside your head.

Lead, Live

I write not to attract followers. I write not to be confined to a specific routine or to add to my plate of duties. But, that’s what I did because I was told that there is a certain way to blog and to be successful that I must write a certain way, post on a routine, and follow the ideas of pop-culture.

I didn’t start this blog to fall into that category. I started this blog for me because writing was an outlet for the inner struggles that I face. My battle is speaking aloud to the circle of relationships I trust. I choke on the words I want to say. They are screaming in my ears, but never leave the threshold of my mouth to iterate my deepest struggles, needs, passions, and desires.

It’s like there is a rope dangling at the back of my throat and as soon as I get the courage to whisper a sound it lassos the words and forces it back down to my lungs, the oxygen I once had, catches, and I remain silent.

Don’t get me wrong – I am a joyful and loud individual. I love to smile and to laugh. I love to make people feel loved and encouraged. I give everything I have to everyone around me because people deserve someone who cares for them. I will talk your ear off.

But, people forget to realize that the happiest of people struggle too. It’s like there is a misperception that happy people have it all together. That their life is easy and without struggle.

The truth of the matter is – we support so many people and love on so many people that it’s hard for us to allow you to see our weak side because we are currently strong for you.

But then who do we rely on?

YOU. It’s the same people we support that we must learn to rely on. That it’s okay to expose our own worst enemy to those around us because keeping our pains on the inside will chew at your heart and darken your soul.

You’ll soon realize that being a strong and happy individual without exposing your sufferings will soon strip you of the ability to be an emotionally stable rock for those around you. You’ll soon realize that bringing joy will fade because you’re locked into your mental cage.

You can’t see past the inside of your skull, your eyes are hazed over, and you aren’t really in the room.

A word of advice to those who have a friend who has always been their rock, their mentor, and their shoulder to cry on. Just ask them how things are going. Look them in the eye, and ask them about life and help lead them into a conversation and environment where they can expose themselves.

I know how hard it is, and if it wasn’t for one of the most special people in my life – I would still be living inside my head most days and trying to be a rock for everyone else.

Because I have someone who I trust wholeheartedly – things don’t eat away at me like they use to. I am healthier and stronger in my mental state now more than I ever have.

Love,

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Vladislav Muslakov on Unsplash

You can sin as a christian – you just can’t enjoy it.

Live

I do not like it when people tell me that when you finally accept Jesus Christ as your savior – sin must be absent. Obviously, we don’t want to to sin, but we are human. The biggest difference as proof of your salvation, true salvation, is the conviction.

There are 2 types of people that exist when it comes to believers. These are the acknowledgers, and the followers. Any one can simply believe in Jesus Christ – know that he exists and he performed the miracles mentioned in the gospels. But, Satan knows the exact the same thing. Satan knows the bible more than any of us could ever know, because he has existed since the beginning.

But, he does not live or walk with Jesus Christ.

Satan loves sin. It’s his drug, and he wants to pull us in with him because he knows it is enticing. Why do you think he fell from heaven – his love for power!

He wants us to believe that we can WALK with Jesus and LIVE in sin. No, that is not how it works. The bible is absolutely clear with this point. If you are truly saved then the sins we perform will break our hearts – we will be convicted. Sure, sin is great for the fleeting moment you perform it, but if you are saved it is short-lived. You will regret what you did much longer than the moment you allowed it to happen.

I know plenty of people who believe they are saved, and who sin, but they don’t believe anything is wrong. That what they do is okay! This tells me that you do not have a RELATIONSHIP with Jesus Christ.

Look…I am no saint by ANY means! I’ve even told myself that I am so screwed up that I have broken into tears because I hate breaking my savior’s heart. But, I know i’m saved because of my conviction and that I am still madly in love with Christ. I will begin to fear where I stand if I never felt regret for the wrongs I do.

Satan BELIEVES, but he doesn’t have a RELATIONSHIP. That is what separates us from him and allows us to spend eternity with the coolest dude to ever exist.

We also need constant contact with the savior because it’s EASY to slip into our sinful nature. It’s like candy!! So sweet, and so good while you are eating it, but your teeth despise you when you go for to the dentist for your cleaning, and your tummy is upset with you for putting so much sugar in your system!

If you can tell me that you barely open your bible, and pray seldom, but say, “well, I still believe” then how do you think your relationship with Christ is? It’s nonexistent. I am not saying you are going to hell, but you might if you don’t stay plugged in and slip into sin (and not care that you sinned)!

Sinlessness is impossible for our human condition, but Jesus Christ says to go and sin no more. We can find that verse in John 8:11 where Jesus tells a woman caught in adultery to “go and sin no more.” Here, he is not saying to be of “sinless perfection.” Instead, he extended mercy and demanded holiness. He calls us to NOT go back to our sinful nature. We are brand new, sparkling white!

Jesus never abolished the law. It still exists. Remember those 10 commandments? He fulfilled it. Jesus calls us to LOVE, and the rest is easy to follow. When our focus is not centered around doing things right, but loving Jesus and ALL people around you, then everything else falls into place.

It was NEVER meant to be hard. But, we complicate it. All it takes is dedication, and a constant devotion to know who he is daily.

Jennie Laureen

Photo by ORNELLA BINNI on Unsplash

Bad relationships aren’t worth investing in.

Love

There are many of us who think we are incredibly strong-willed in our relationship with God. That there is nothing that can separate us from the love we have for our Savior. Our promises are promises, and these promises are easy to make when we are at our highest spiritual peak.

I bet many of you went to a camp when you were younger and experienced God for the first time, and every time, that you went. And each time you would say the same thing – I’m different and changed and will never go back to the old person I once was, I will drop the sin that is holding me back.

That’s the easiest part – experiencing the freedom, and letting go of everything and giving it to God. Here God – take it.

But everyone always forgets part 2…..the work.

Work requires that you give your best effort to truly letting everything go, and it comes at a cost too many people are not willing to pay….because it hurts.

The most difficult part of your journey is letting go of the people who influenced you into your prior position. This could mean: spending less time with them, or no time with them at all. Regardless, these people influence you no matter how strong your faith is.

Boundaries must be created for you to have a sustainable relationship with Jesus.

I don’t mean: if you don’t cut out these relationships you will inevitably lose your relationship with Christ. No. It doesn’t work that way. Jesus’ love for you is an undeniable love that reaches for you in your darkest depths. Jesus Christ chases you down and down again no matter how many times you turn away because his love is unexplainable.

When I say “cutting out relationships,” I am simply telling you to make a choice. I was once this person who led a “rollercoaster relationship” with Christ because I didn’t want to give up the relationships that I loved, especially when I believed full-heartedly that I could change them.

A rollercoaster has twists and turns, ups and downs, and several spirals. There are peaks and valleys, and highs and lows. It was sickening to see myself go through these phases where Christ and I were walking side by side, then I would stop dead in my tracks. I would be at my peak and plummet to a deep valley.

People influence you whether you want to believe it or not.

We believe we are so strong, and we say “i’m not like that – I can influence them.” Do you have any idea how many times I have heard that? When I hear it, and have given all the advice I can give, I sit back and watch. And every time, I see the people I love the most stumble. Our own strength and capacity cannot influence the lost at an intimate capacity.

We are human and sin is in our nature.

Our goal is to love unconditionally, guide when needed, and introduce the lost to the one who can ultimately influence at an intimate capacity. We can only entangle ourselves but so deeply. Imagine jumping into a pit of twine. At first, it’s pretty easy to move around and breath because you are at the surface. But, once you wiggle and move around further you start to sink, and the web starts to wrap around your arms and legs. It’s rather difficult to escape something that is wrapped around you.

If you have ever been to a trampoline park then you understand quite well. If you jump feet first into the foam pit, it’s much more difficult to climb out. The farther you jump the worse it is, and the more tired you become in trying to climb out and onto the platform.

I have a very small pool of friendships now that I consider just as giving to me as I am to them. They walk close to God, and are “equally yolked.” I can turn to them for advice that is biblically sound rather than culturally driven.

If you are tired of the roller coaster ride like I was then you may want to reconsider who you have decided to keep in your life for the long term. If it damages your ability to keep your relationship with Jesus Christ – is it really worth it when you think about eternity?

Love,

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Mantas Hesthaven on Unsplash

Leaders don’t bark; they bite.

Lead

Over the course of my life I have run across many leaders who have taught me, shaped me, and encouraged me to follow in their footsteps. The biggest lesson I have learned is that there is a major difference between being a leader and being a dictator.

We can all name at least one person who wears the “big shoes.” Those who are seen as the boss. But, what we really notice is if they are capable of being a leader.

One thing is certain – assigning and delivering orders isn’t leading your team. It’s a part of the job.

To be a leader you should be a number of things. But those who just bark orders don’t really create engagement on their team. They must really mean what they say and “bite.” Take a hold of their team and guide their foot steps. Here are a few things I consider important when it comes to leading:

Engagement

As a leader, are you taking the time out of your week, or day, to understand and know who is on your team? As people are hired on as your staff what are doing to know them? I can tell you that I am more willing to work with a leader who knows me personally. Work takes up a considerable amount of my day (8 hours or more). Interacting with someone for that long, and not knowing anything about their personal life, tells your staff you don’t care about them and that they are only their to serve you and the company.

Inspiration

Once you get past the fantasy phase of starting a new job – the work can become mundane, repetitive, and tiresome. That happens, and it’s the leader’s job to recognize it. As a leader, you need to connect your staff back to the original reason why they started working for the company. You also need to remind them, time and time again, that their role is significant to the success of the company. Tell them WHY – not just what. Inspire them and rejuvenate their energy!

Motivation

Once an employee gets a rhythm in their job – they can be hesitant to step out of that rhythm, and do more than what is asked of them without you telling them to do so. As a leader, you need to encourage them to push past their safety bubble, and really give everything they have.There shouldn’t be a culture of “fear” to where they cannot express their ideas – no matter where they are on the ladder of leadership. An idea is an idea – and any idea can benefit the company. Obviously, you want the best from your employees, and you want them to give it their all every day. Well – for that to happen you need to motivate your employees. Show them you are motivated to give it your all, and they will follow suit (the majority will at least).

Development

At some point an employee will hit a wall. They have learned all they can for the current job performed, and need more to learn. As a leader, you are responsible to develop and train your employees – especially if you believe they are capable of doing more. You also need to push those who can certainly do more, but don’t want to.

Seeing the potential in your employees is significant as a leader, but that potential will go no where when there is no development. Potential sounds like a great word, but it’s just potential – not action. An employee can stay in the potential stage their entire life and get nothing done. It can be pulling teeth at times, but if you want to see that potential blossom, and become a moving force then you need to provide training for them to hone their skills and use them.

Follow Me

Being a leader requires that you model the companies vision and mission first. Leaders are the “image” of what we hope to have in our employees. If you don’t first be the model to inspire what you hope to see then you will never see it in your employees.

This article can also be reflected back to those in other leadership positions whether be at: school, church, clubs, committees, etc.

Are you truly a leader, or do you bark orders and expect them to get them done?

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Justin Luebke on Unsplash