Being Okay With Changing Friendships.

Friendships evolve.

And that’s okay.

You know…everyone has a certain tolerance for change. Some people have a high tolerance for change while others have a low tolerance for change.

Regardless of that tolerance one thing is true – everyone is not 100% okay with all of the changes that happen in their life.

And most people are not comfortable with changing friendships.

I am one of those people.

I consider myself more inclined to develop interpersonal relationships via one-on-one interactions. I can be just about anyone’s friend, and be a part of the “crowd hype” at gatherings, but I cling to those friendships that are intentional because it requires sacrifice, commitment, and trust.

I will admit that it is hard for me to adjust to people who change, and to people who especially change their mind about the relationship we have.

But, over the last year, and being married to the most handsome and amazing man I have ever met, I have noticed that my current relationships have changed. They’ve changed quite a lot.

I’ve noticed that some friends have started pulling themselves away. I’ve noticed that some friends personalities have changed. I’ve noticed that I’ve developed new friendships and have grown deeper relationships with those who choose to stay.

People grow. People change. People don’t remain the same.

I’ve come to terms with it. As we all gain life experience, and overcome new challenges we are faced with, we will all eventually bring new perspectives, values, opinions, and beliefs to the table.

Because of that, not everyone in our current circle will be okay with the changes. Those who grow with you will stay while others who no longer wish to take part will fade away.

It’s a part of the process of growing up, and you never stop growing up.

I want you to know, just like I have come to know, that it is okay for your friendships to change. This means accepting your current friends for who they have grown into, or saying good bye to those who want to leave (even if they leave silently – you’ll notice – I promise).

The people who work just as hard as you in keeping your friendship alive are those you fight for. Don’t be worn down or weary by those who choose to walk away. It’s okay. They may not be meant for you in this season.

And, if you have friends who have changed because of things they have experienced then sit down and listen. Try to understand where they are coming from, and gain a new perspective on life. That’s how we all grow.

And, if you have developed some new friendships in this season then take the time to grow some roots. It’s okay to invest in new people (albeit a little scary), but they could be who you need right now.

Although change can be uncomfortable it can mostly be beneficial into growing us in to the women we are meant to become.

Photo by Shane Rounce on Unsplash

We are all doing life together. It’s truly a forest.

It’s full of twists and turns, dry seasons and wet seasons, good growth and bad growth, and most of all, people who help root us despite the ever changing climate.

There will be shallow planted people, and deep-rooted people you will encounter in life.

Take it in stride, grow from every encounter, and allow things to fall into place.

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The last thing you want to do is to stay stuck in the “I wish things never changed.” Doing so will rob you the opportunity to truly connect with the people around you, and who are with you, right now.

Love,

Jennie Laureen

What’s Your Motive?

Photo by Cherry Laithang on Unsplash

It’s been quite some time since I have sat down and typed a few words, and I mean that in a poetic and artistic way. Honestly, I didn’t know how much my heart ached to get back to the rhythm of writing again until I found myself longing for purpose. For awhile, I was so consumed by my work that I forgot what brought me joy. So much so that I started to question every motive behind my every action.

Why am I doing this?

Do I find joy in what I do?

Do I care about what I’m creating?

How do I feel?

In all honestly, I had gotten lost in the hustle and bustle of “get it done” culture.

I would strive to be the best at what I was doing in the moment even if I didn’t care about what I was actually doing.

Having an attitude like that can truly cause you to lose yourself, and what you love.

I love writing. I love letting my voice flow out in words and my thoughts string together in a few sentences to iterate what my speech fails to express in the moment.

I stutter when it comes to “on-demand” talking. I meticously plan out what I want to say to ensure it’s intentional. This is why I started “JennieLaureen.” It’s a blog with what I want to say. A blog with my emotions, and my thoughts, and my opinions.

Photo by William Moreland on Unsplash

If other’s enjoy the writing I produce then we can connect as honest human beings – raw and exposed, honest and kind, and altogether lovely as our words bring us together.

So, this post is basically me admitting that I started opening my eyes again. I started peeling back the layers I was hiding beneath to expose what I truly care about. It’s not just writing – it’s about the connection I make with people.

And as I started writing again I found myself with that incredible feeling of bubbling joy in the pit of my stomach as it grew into a warm embrace enveloping every inch of me. I found happiness in the gift God had so graciously given me.

It’s me choosing me again.

I shouldn’t have let others dictate what my motive should be because I know me best. I know others can voice where they see me in 10 years, and the paths I should take to get to the top, but at 25 years old all I truly care about is getting lost in something I love. It’s weary on the soul, mind, body, and spirit to chase after other’s approvals.

All I want in life is to find myself sinking deeper into the talents I have, and hear my own voice having a conversation with Christ about my own future. I want to filter out the noise of other’s voices so I can truly listen to the motive that my own soul speaks.

Joy is found there.

What is your motive?

Why are you doing this?

Do you find joy in what you do?

Do you care about what you’re creating?

How do you feel?

It’s time to question the realities you exist in so that you can find that bubbling joy in the pit of your stomach as it grows into an enveloping warmth that hugs you. Because you know it’s what you are meant to be doing.

Marriage + Sex.

Precursor: If this article makes you squirm then please stop reading. I write to help women (or men, if this is a topic you can relate to) in shoes similar to mine. If this bothers you then please know that this article wasn’t meant for you. ❤

Okay, so this article took a lot for me to write. I was straight crying while trying to form the words I needed to say. Words that I needed to express out loud because I knew they were important to me, but also because I learned an internal lesson that I wanted to share.

Sharing about sex can be….awkward…but I don’t personally care because it shouldn’t be a topic that I should not feel comfortable talking about or expressing myself on. I mean…I am married…and I CAN have sex (great sex)…so let’s talk about it.

I think most people probably remember my “Sex is Bad” article (click here). It was an article written from an internal struggle I had faced about sex.

You see…I had remained a virgin for so long because I wanted to give that to my future husband. And my husband was patient, even after 9 years of dating. He honored my decision. Now…don’t get me wrong! We struggled and had several arguments over the “waiting game” because it got harder the longer we waited for physical intimacy. But, he still did his best to honor it.

Well, it’s now August 2019 and my husband and I are 2 months into our marriage. We are fresh off the aisle! And, let me tell you something, I was so excited to go to bed the night of our wedding. I was ready to end the reception early because “I was tired.”

I totally wasn’t.

The first few weeks of marriage were blissful. I was the happiest I had ever been. It was magnificent, beautiful, and life was fun with the added extra activity!

Then, about a month later, it started looking different. And I am not talking about the general wonderfulness part of marriage. Marriage is so fantastic – I LOVE coming home to my husband: cooking together, cuddling together, working out together, and just being together! I’m actually referencing the sex part of marriage.

After about a month I had started to develop insecurities about myself during sex.

I stopped pursuing my husband because I didn’t feel beautiful any more. I started noticing the extra cushion on my tummy and arms, and all I wanted to do was hide it. Turn the lights off, stay under the covers, shove his arm here so he doesn’t put his arm at the place i’m trying to hide.

I started staying in my head and focusing on hiding myself during sex that I couldn’t enjoy sex like I did before. And because of that it would take me an hour or more to finally peak. THEN THAT STARTED BOTHERING ME, because it bothered my husband – making him feel bad.

It caused me so much anxiety that I was nervous to go home because I thought to myself “well, what if he wanted to have fun tonight? I don’t know if I can even perform, and I really don’t want to disappoint him again.” I was pre-framing myself for a bad time.

Guys…I even looked forward to my period because I knew I could go to bed knowing sex wasn’t going to happen, and I could just relax with my husband.

But I knew, and felt, like I was seriously disappointing him. So, I tried to make up for it by doing things around the house, doing more work, finding an amazing job, and providing as best as I could just so I could impress him and make him happy again.

And that even crushed me. Because if I did something wrong, and he wasn’t happy, I really took it to heart because I was trying. I was trying so hard, and it made me feel like I was failing in every aspect of my life.

My literal internal thought was “I suck at sex, I suck at providing, I suck at making my husband happy. I can’t do anything. He could easily find someone better – i’m not worth it.”

I have heard so many stories from women who face the same problem. I never thought once I would be in their shoes, and yet, here I am. It’s an actual issue that women face. And, yes, the crazy thoughts come that are so irrational you believe you are crazy for having them. They just aren’t voiced aloud.

I know you have them…even if you don’t want to admit it. I’m only admitting it because you aren’t the only one.

Regardless…today is different.

Today, I am writing this article because I realize how ridiculous all of that stuff above sounds. It’s insane for me to think that I am “less than” because I decided (all by myself) that I was an awful person – and it all came from a simple insecurity during sex.

And I am not saying it’s all butterflies and dandelions now. This is a process. I have to love myself, and support myself, by talking to Christ and thinking positive thoughts throughout the day.

I have to love every aspect of myself when I am exposed to the person I trust the most, and continue to remind myself of that every day. I can trust and be exposed to my husband with no judgment from him.

Because the bottom line is this………………….he loves me.

If I am not comfortable with someone I wholly trust then how can I ever be 100% comfortable with my other friendships, and develop those lasting bonds we all so desperately need in life?

Today, I will love myself. Today, I will ask for what I want and pre-frame tonight as a night to have a good time. He doesn’t care that I have a little extra cushion. Instead of me looking at it like “it’s a bad thing to have” I should reinforce positive thoughts and say “well…it’s something for him to grab.”

Sex is beautiful. Just as God created it to be. I am beautiful because I am the daughter of a king.

It’s MY job to pre-frame sex the way it was meant to be. it’s MY job to enforce positive thoughts into my life. It’s MY job to see myself as a beautiful daughter of the king.

It’s MY job to enjoy sex and be with my husband IN the moment and NOT in my head.

I waited too long for me to go through this. Today – this stops. It may take me a little while to be 100% there and okay, but I am going to get there.

All day today I have been reinforcing positive thinking. Reading scripture on how I was wonderfully and beautifully made. I have been pre-framing all day.

You should do the same.

Because of that……I literally cannot wait to get home to my husband. ❤

Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash