Struggle

Your Happy People Can Be Silently Sad

Jennie's Snippets, Live

It’s no surprise to those who know me that I can be, most of the time, full of joy. A lot of times I hear from past acquaintances, new strangers, and long-time friends the following words:

” I love your energy!”

“You are just so happy!”

“You brighten the room when you walk in.”

And, I promise, this is not me bragging on myself. There are several people in the world who have this contagious energy they naturally exude. The first celebrity I could think of, as an example that everyone knows, is Robin Williams.

He brightened any one’s room when he was present. Even when thinking of him we easily smile – he was a comedian.

Sadly, in 2014, Robin Williams died by way of suicide.

I remember this event bringing light to an issue that was kept in the dark for some time – noticing the struggles of a individual, and potential signs of depression/disease/struggle, that exist outside of the outward facing appearance.

Many people saw this death as a surprise because Robin Williams rarely, if ever, showed signs of struggle to the outward facing public.

But, being who I am, I can closely relate to him, and what happened. I’m sure many of the happiest people in your life feel similarly.

Being labeled the “joyful,” “happy,” “brighten the room” person comes with a weight no one realizes.

The world can be a dark and dim place, and if we, the happy people, can bring some form of light into it, to show the world that light exists, then we are going to do just that. Especially as a follower of Christ.

And, if we struggle, we normally don’t expose it because many people rely on us to brighten even the darkest of days.

When Robin Williams died I was 20 years old. I was struggling with keeping up this happy façade when I wasn’t actually very happy. I wasn’t depressed or suicidal, at all, but I felt like I had to put my “happy” face on 24/7.

That’s when this very young children’s pastor came up to me, just a few days after the death of Robin Williams, and asked me, “Are you okay?”

My initial response was, “Of course I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be?”

It’s not like I ever showed him my sad or struggling side!

He went on to explain that I appeared the same way as Robin Williams. I’m always happy and never truly exposing a sad or struggling side. He wanted to check on me, and make sure that I wasn’t secretly struggling with anything.

Let me tell you – I was taken aback. BUT, I also appreciated it so much because no one ever asked me if I was okay. I always supported every one else, loved on every one else, and cared for every one else that I never checked on MYSELF.

When that conversation ended I was moved to build relationships that I could trust and lean on for myself.

I wouldn’t put up this façade, but be real and broken in front of these selected people so that I wouldn’t fall victim to isolation.

Doing this completely changed how I opened up to my now husband, Bruce, and long-time friends. I have a place to be open with people, and to struggle without fear of judgment in front of them. I didn’t have to cry alone.

Today, at 26 years old, I am in a healthy place. I have friendships that are now coming up on their 8,9, and 10 year anniversaries. I struggle in front of Bruce and I’m honest when I’m feeling at my lowest.

I don’t hide any more.

And, in doing so, I’m even brighter and happier than I have ever been. It’s beautiful.

I’m telling you this story because, in the midst of this pandemic, many of your happy people can be secretly struggling. I want you to go out there and ask them, again and again and again and again, “are you okay?”

And if you are the happy person reading this then I want you to seek out those people you can trust, and expose how you feel. Let it out. It’s okay to be open and honest about where you are.

Take off that happy façade, that plastered face, and release yourself from the expectation of 24/7 happiness.

Because 24/7 happiness does not exist.

In the end, you’ll be glad you did.

In the end, I’d rather you be here on earth and not in the dirt.

Love,

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Aliyah Jamous on Unsplash

Stop living inside your head.

Lead, Live

I write not to attract followers. I write not to be confined to a specific routine or to add to my plate of duties. But, that’s what I did because I was told that there is a certain way to blog and to be successful that I must write a certain way, post on a routine, and follow the ideas of pop-culture.

I didn’t start this blog to fall into that category. I started this blog for me because writing was an outlet for the inner struggles that I face. My battle is speaking aloud to the circle of relationships I trust. I choke on the words I want to say. They are screaming in my ears, but never leave the threshold of my mouth to iterate my deepest struggles, needs, passions, and desires.

It’s like there is a rope dangling at the back of my throat and as soon as I get the courage to whisper a sound it lassos the words and forces it back down to my lungs, the oxygen I once had, catches, and I remain silent.

Don’t get me wrong – I am a joyful and loud individual. I love to smile and to laugh. I love to make people feel loved and encouraged. I give everything I have to everyone around me because people deserve someone who cares for them. I will talk your ear off.

But, people forget to realize that the happiest of people struggle too. It’s like there is a misperception that happy people have it all together. That their life is easy and without struggle.

The truth of the matter is – we support so many people and love on so many people that it’s hard for us to allow you to see our weak side because we are currently strong for you.

But then who do we rely on?

YOU. It’s the same people we support that we must learn to rely on. That it’s okay to expose our own worst enemy to those around us because keeping our pains on the inside will chew at your heart and darken your soul.

You’ll soon realize that being a strong and happy individual without exposing your sufferings will soon strip you of the ability to be an emotionally stable rock for those around you. You’ll soon realize that bringing joy will fade because you’re locked into your mental cage.

You can’t see past the inside of your skull, your eyes are hazed over, and you aren’t really in the room.

A word of advice to those who have a friend who has always been their rock, their mentor, and their shoulder to cry on. Just ask them how things are going. Look them in the eye, and ask them about life and help lead them into a conversation and environment where they can expose themselves.

I know how hard it is, and if it wasn’t for one of the most special people in my life – I would still be living inside my head most days and trying to be a rock for everyone else.

Because I have someone who I trust wholeheartedly – things don’t eat away at me like they use to. I am healthier and stronger in my mental state now more than I ever have.

Love,

Jennie Laureen

 

 

Photo by Vladislav Muslakov on Unsplash

You were never meant to be wonder woman.

Live

If you are anything like me then you must know the struggle is real when it comes to saying no.  If you are anything like me, then you know you are the most reliable person you know, and so does everyone else. With that great strength comes a heavy responsibility because everyone will ask you to do EVERYTHING. Then, they become accustomed to you always saying yes that they no longer ask you – they tell you.

You always throw all the parties and get together’s, or babysit the kids, or take on the new projects at work and lead/train the new people, and let’s not forget the perfect house maid and, for some of you, the best mommies to exist. I think I forgot to mention the socialite of the all these gatherings, always having a smile on your face, and typically well kept-up?

You could also be the star athlete who everyone looks up to, the president of a club and a straight A student working towards your diploma, 1st degree, master’s degree, or even your doctorate. Degrees are great, by the way, but do you always try to be perfect at it?

The thing I am trying to get through to you is this – you try your hardest to be what everyone believes the “Perfect Woman” should be, but in the process have lost your identity as an individual with flaws. Our social media clogs us with perceptions that we as women should be….

  • A top employee with high marks working towards top management.
  • A perfect mommy who always spends time with her kids.
  • Has their house in well-order with every crumb in its place.
  • Has perfect temperament – never loud or angry!
  • Strong, but not bossy.
  • A Godly woman who reads her bible every day.
  • An athlete, but not too muscly.
  • Beautiful and ladylike while in public.
  • A master of sexual gratification in bed. (Side note – married of course.)
  • The perfect wife who treats her husband as she should with everything he needs.
  • A friend to all who gives the best advice.

And these are only a few to name, and they come from so many outlets spilling over into our lives. What we hear and what we see ultimately shape us into the people we become,  but have we let our senses become desensitized to the marketing of media, and the opinions of others, that we no longer are able to discover our own identity as a woman?

As a woman who was once in your shoes then I must tell you…..say no. You can’t do everything, and you shouldn’t want to. There is no such thing as a perfect woman. If you try then you will lose your identity in this world because flaws shape you into the character that you are.

Mentally? It is not good for you. To become the woman you wish to become then you need to stop listening to the mouths of those around you that tell you who you ought to be, silence the television, and delete social media. At least for a short while. That way you can silence the noise and meditate on your inner soul, focus on the events that develop you and discover who you are for yourself.

You are not perfect. And that’s okay. You don’t have to bow down to the wishes of others and create a version of you that demonstrates perfection. Doing that will prevent you from opening up to your mistakes and imperfections to other women around you who want what is best for you.

You don’t have to have the perfect body, hair, or face. You don’t have to have the most successful career. You don’t have to try and be the best mommy who serves her kid(s) only organic foods. You don’t have to be the perfect wife who does everything for her husband. You don’t have to be the strong friend who allows gives advice.

You don’t have to be ______________________.

You are one person. You can’t do it all. You will drive yourself insane trying to do so. All you can do is be who God created you to be. Keep striving to be a better you, but don’t kill yourself trying to be it all. You can’t. You have your strengths and weaknesses, and I have mine.

Your flaws make you who you are and that’s beautiful because there is only one of you, and only you can walk in your shoes. ❤

Jennie Laureen

 

 

 

 

Photo by Amanda Dalbjörn on Unsplash