I write not to attract followers. I write not to be confined to a specific routine or to add to my plate of duties. But, that’s what I did because I was told that there is a certain way to blog and to be successful that I must write a certain way, post on a routine, and follow the ideas of pop-culture.
I didn’t start this blog to fall into that category. I started this blog for me because writing was an outlet for the inner struggles that I face. My battle is speaking aloud to the circle of relationships I trust. I choke on the words I want to say. They are screaming in my ears, but never leave the threshold of my mouth to iterate my deepest struggles, needs, passions, and desires.
It’s like there is a rope dangling at the back of my throat and as soon as I get the courage to whisper a sound it lassos the words and forces it back down to my lungs, the oxygen I once had, catches, and I remain silent.
Don’t get me wrong – I am a joyful and loud individual. I love to smile and to laugh. I love to make people feel loved and encouraged. I give everything I have to everyone around me because people deserve someone who cares for them. I will talk your ear off.
But, people forget to realize that the happiest of people struggle too. It’s like there is a misperception that happy people have it all together. That their life is easy and without struggle.
The truth of the matter is – we support so many people and love on so many people that it’s hard for us to allow you to see our weak side because we are currently strong for you.
But then who do we rely on?
YOU. It’s the same people we support that we must learn to rely on. That it’s okay to expose our own worst enemy to those around us because keeping our pains on the inside will chew at your heart and darken your soul.
You’ll soon realize that being a strong and happy individual without exposing your sufferings will soon strip you of the ability to be an emotionally stable rock for those around you. You’ll soon realize that bringing joy will fade because you’re locked into your mental cage.
You can’t see past the inside of your skull, your eyes are hazed over, and you aren’t really in the room.
A word of advice to those who have a friend who has always been their rock, their mentor, and their shoulder to cry on. Just ask them how things are going. Look them in the eye, and ask them about life and help lead them into a conversation and environment where they can expose themselves.
I know how hard it is, and if it wasn’t for one of the most special people in my life – I would still be living inside my head most days and trying to be a rock for everyone else.
Because I have someone who I trust wholeheartedly – things don’t eat away at me like they use to. I am healthier and stronger in my mental state now more than I ever have.