Your Happy People Can Be Silently Sad

It’s no surprise to those who know me that I can be, most of the time, full of joy. A lot of times I hear from past acquaintances, new strangers, and long-time friends the following words:

” I love your energy!”

“You are just so happy!”

“You brighten the room when you walk in.”

And, I promise, this is not me bragging on myself. There are several people in the world who have this contagious energy they naturally exude. The first celebrity I could think of, as an example that everyone knows, is Robin Williams.

He brightened any one’s room when he was present. Even when thinking of him we easily smile – he was a comedian.

Sadly, in 2014, Robin Williams died by way of suicide.

I remember this event bringing light to an issue that was kept in the dark for some time – noticing the struggles of a individual, and potential signs of depression/disease/struggle, that exist outside of the outward facing appearance.

Many people saw this death as a surprise because Robin Williams rarely, if ever, showed signs of struggle to the outward facing public.

But, being who I am, I can closely relate to him, and what happened. I’m sure many of the happiest people in your life feel similarly.

Being labeled the “joyful,” “happy,” “brighten the room” person comes with a weight no one realizes.

The world can be a dark and dim place, and if we, the happy people, can bring some form of light into it, to show the world that light exists, then we are going to do just that. Especially as a follower of Christ.

And, if we struggle, we normally don’t expose it because many people rely on us to brighten even the darkest of days.

When Robin Williams died I was 20 years old. I was struggling with keeping up this happy façade when I wasn’t actually very happy. I wasn’t depressed or suicidal, at all, but I felt like I had to put my “happy” face on 24/7.

That’s when this very young children’s pastor came up to me, just a few days after the death of Robin Williams, and asked me, “Are you okay?”

My initial response was, “Of course I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be?”

It’s not like I ever showed him my sad or struggling side!

He went on to explain that I appeared the same way as Robin Williams. I’m always happy and never truly exposing a sad or struggling side. He wanted to check on me, and make sure that I wasn’t secretly struggling with anything.

Let me tell you – I was taken aback. BUT, I also appreciated it so much because no one ever asked me if I was okay. I always supported every one else, loved on every one else, and cared for every one else that I never checked on MYSELF.

When that conversation ended I was moved to build relationships that I could trust and lean on for myself.

I wouldn’t put up this façade, but be real and broken in front of these selected people so that I wouldn’t fall victim to isolation.

Doing this completely changed how I opened up to my now husband, Bruce, and long-time friends. I have a place to be open with people, and to struggle without fear of judgment in front of them. I didn’t have to cry alone.

Today, at 26 years old, I am in a healthy place. I have friendships that are now coming up on their 8,9, and 10 year anniversaries. I struggle in front of Bruce and I’m honest when I’m feeling at my lowest.

I don’t hide any more.

And, in doing so, I’m even brighter and happier than I have ever been. It’s beautiful.

I’m telling you this story because, in the midst of this pandemic, many of your happy people can be secretly struggling. I want you to go out there and ask them, again and again and again and again, “are you okay?”

And if you are the happy person reading this then I want you to seek out those people you can trust, and expose how you feel. Let it out. It’s okay to be open and honest about where you are.

Take off that happy façade, that plastered face, and release yourself from the expectation of 24/7 happiness.
Because 24/7 happiness does not exist.

In the end, you’ll be glad you did.

In the end, I’d rather you be here on earth and not in the dirt.

Love,

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Aliyah Jamous on Unsplash

Seeing The Person Behind Your Perception

Lies, Live, Love

Personally, it’s no secret that we all struggle with judging people based on minimal facts, and mostly appearance.

It’s easy for us to put people in our own self-constructed boxes so that we could interpret and understand them, and the world around us, in “black and white.”

It wasn’t until I was an undergraduate student, studying Interpersonal Communication, at Meredith College for me to realize what I was doing (and that was 5 years ago, geez)!!

You know…I grew up a certain way. I knew the world through the eyes of my parents for the first few years of my life, and interpreted the world as I experienced it.

Growing up, as we try to understand the world we live in, we take what people say about others to heart. It’s a “survival method.” We don’t want to instinctively put ourselves in harms way so we listen to others words as truth to protect and ready ourselves for the future.

This is also where the media comes in whether it be social media, television, movies, books, news media, etc. We grow up watching, and reading, content and absorbing what is being presented to us in order to understand the world.

In time, we inherently believe it to be true, and it eventually becomes an instinctive judgment of the people we meet.

New people are pre-judged by what we have learned so far in our life. It’s sad to think that way, but is also helps us understand how far we still have to go in each of our own societies.

Questions we should be asking:

How are all people presented in the content that is consumed by a majority of the public?
What roles are they playing, and how are they interpreted based on our societies standards?
In each of these roles, how are they economically presented?
What is currently unbalanced in the media we consume today? Are there roles that are continuously given to certain sexes, races or identities?

Each of these questions are starter questions we should be asking ourselves as we consume content so we can recognize where our perceptions of the world come from.

We need to know the basis of our perceptions so we can see the person that exists behind our perception.

Understand this….if we are never introduced to new people, or experiences, we end up getting trapped in our own worlds, our own interpretations, and continue to put people in our self-constructed boxes without seeing them for who they truly are.

People are beautiful, and there is always something we can learn from each individual that we meet.

And let me tell you something…I notice myself accidentally making a judgment on someone all the time: someone I have never even met, someone I have never sat down with to hear their story, someone I pass by on the street, someone I see in the store, someone I drive by on the road, etc.

I don’t ever want to be the person who never grows past my own perceptions. I want to understand people. I want to love them for who they are, and everything that makes them, them.

I know who I am, and I would want other people to take the time to get to know me.

What about you? Wouldn’t you feel the same way?

I hope, from now on, you take the time to realize where your perceptions may be rooted, and work past them so that you can see the real person that exists behind them.

Love,

Jennie Laureen

Your Value Minus Your Screen

Live

You know what’s easy?

Sitting at home feeling motivated and encouraged by a few short videos, Instagram stories, and books.

And, for those few short seconds of reading or watching I feel uplifted, and I find a sense of motivation and self-worth.

But, that’s also the problem.

I could sit at home all day, much like every one does now-a-days, and just “scroll.” I could fill my head with whatever I wanted to feel “full,” to feel “loved,” to feel “distracted from the pain,” or to simply “feel something.”

We should be better than that.

We should know ourselves better than that.

When was the last time you stopped filling your head with the thoughts of others, sat down in a peaceful and distraction free space, to reflect on yourself? To ask yourself questions:

Where am I right now?
How do I feel right now?
What’s important to me right now?
Who do I love right now?
Who am I right now?

We should believe in ourselves enough to take the time to self-discover, and believe in our own value.

We are valuable. You are valuable. I am valuable.

I can’t sit around all day long scrolling through endless pages of tik-toks, YouTube videos, newspapers articles, and google searches. Doing so only distracts me from taking the time for myself.

I deserve to know who I am and be confident in who I am.

You deserve to self-reflect on who you are without a million other people coming across your screen deciding for you. Sure, it’s okay to take in content and reflect on the words of others.

What is not okay is to be wholly distracted by them that you no longer know who you are. You simply become a product of the culture you consume.

The beauty of being a writer is this – I consistently take the time to pan out my own thoughts, to self-discover, and to get my feelings and emotions out on paper. I wish the same for many of you who may be struggling to find your own inner peace, and to truly understand that it is you who knows your own value.

Believe in who you are now, and who you will become. But, doing so will require you to sacrifice the time you spend on a screen, and to reflect on your own thoughts.

Put the phone down and ask yourself this: who am I right now in this moment?

Don’t think of the last video you watched, or anything you have consumed via a screen. Have your own thoughts.

Who. Are. You. Right. Now?

Love,

Jennie Laureen

Success is not defined by your career.

Lies, Live

I have always been someone motivated and driven by my career results. I love the idea of working. I’m a bit of a workaholic, and I love it.

Nothing wrong with being a working woman. I’m very passionate about what I do.

However, there are times when my career doesn’t always go the way that I plan it to. Which isn’t a bad thing. We should always look for the learning opportunity where we are currently planted.

But, that doesn’t mean I don’t get frustrated by my career outcomes.

three women sitting beside table — Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash

Success was once always defined by how well I performed at my job (or at school when that was applicable). If I was excelling and getting good remarks from my managers then I knew I was successful. Or, if I was handed a big project because there was so much trust for me to handle it, then I knew I was successful. Or, if I was consistently making A+ grades in all of my classes, then I knew I was successful.

But what about the times when life kicks you? When you realize that you aren’t performing at 1000% all the time. Let’s face it….you can’t run at 1000% 100% of the time. It’s exhausting and burn-out happens.

I’m not saying you should be lazy at your job – always give your full effort and attention – but what happens when we define our success in the moments where we can’t give 1000% because…..

You are facing a family tragedy.
You are struggling financially to pay your mortgage.
Your credit card bill keeps rising instead of shrinking
You just found out some terrible medical news.
You start doubting your ability to be a good wife (or husband).
Your kids aren’t living the life you taught them and are instead running away from it.
You doubt your ability to lead because of what everyone is telling you. You let them inside your head.
You are facing depression that you cannot pinpoint, and think it shouldn’t be this way.
Your manager isn’t giving you the opportunities you deserve to show your 1000% dedication.
etc etc etc…. and more.

It’s these small moments that seem to appear like mountains that frustrate our career. And the fact is – it WILL happen. At some point in our lives, one of the scenarios above (or others), will happen in our life.

sleeping woman in train at daytime — Photo by Abbie Bernet on Unsplash

Then we ask the question…am I successful? Turns out, in those moments, we typically say no.

Because our focus has shifted, but our attitude has not.

Basically, we are kicking our selves while we are already down on the ground. We are allowing ourselves to live a rollercoaster ride. When our career is successful then we are successful, but when our career isn’t successful then we are failures.

But, there is something we must know. Our attention, in these life moments, will shift from career-mode to survival-mode. Work will still be important to us, but in those moments we are trying to make it through.

Because of this, you may, at times, be distracted at work from these moments. You can’t tell me for those 8 -to 12 hours (shout out to the nurses) that you never once think about what’s going on at home or in your life.

(And this is where I tell managers to allow some grace to their staff who go through these life moments).

It’s a season. But, in this season we need to REDEFINE success. Especially for us workaholics.

I cannot allow my definition of success to come from my career. Some of it – sure – but not all of it. I don’t want to stay on that rollercoaster forever.

So, I’ve started making a list of things that I’ve accomplished that are outside of my career/school achievements. And, to be honest, life got a lot brighter because of it.

Some of the items on my list include:

I call my parents every day because I don’t live in the same town as them. I am proud of the relationship I have with them. I don’t ever want to get so caught up in life that I forget my rock – my family. One day they will pass away – I don’t want to regret “not pouring into” that relationship for the sake of my career focus.
I have been dating a wonderful and amazing man for over 8 years and we are about to get married. We have built a beautiful platform for open communication for both the good and bad discussions that I feel like we can lean on for a healthy stable marriage.
I ate well today. I had a full serving of vegetables and lean meats, and some fiber for fullness. I feel good today.
I was able to sleep ALL through the night and get the rest I needed to feel recharged.
I got to do the yoga I wanted to do in order to stretch out my muscles. My body deserved it.
I wrote on my blog today. My outlet for my love of writing.
I got to spend time with my close and personal friends last week and have a thousand laughs – my belly is full of happiness.

It’s these smaller, more human-like, accomplishments that we should shift our attitude towards. Our focus has shifted from career to life, but our attitude still defines success in a career even when our focus isn’t there anymore. We have to shift both.

three women sitting by the table having coffee and smiling — Photo by CoWomen on Unsplash

And even if our career is going well for us how can we ever forget the life accomplishments that we face?

We don’t live for our careers. It is a large part of our life and should gain our full attention and effort, but I can no longer base HOW I am doing in life FROM my career. There is much more to it than that.

40 hours (the typical work-week) out of 168 hours (a full week) is about 24% of our weekly schedule. 24% of our time is given to our career.

How can we forget about the other 76%?

Yes, I know that out of that 168 hours roughly 33% is sleeping, but getting a good night’s rest IS an accomplishment because it has to do with our health. And, there is still 43% that still matters. Almost half.

I want you to evaluate your life and measure what matters to you. Make a list. Then detail how you would define success in those areas.

It’s time we stop putting all of our “success” in our careers and start measuring the other 76%.

This to do 1. Own today printed frame beside teal headset — Photo by Emma Matthews on Unsplash

Cover Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

Dear Beautiful Bride, you do not have to follow all those pesky wedding rules.

Jennie's Snippets, Lies, Live

Let me guess…you are about to get MARRIED? Congratulations! Before I dive in let me first start with this – aren’t you tired of people asking you when the big day is, especially if you are freshly engaged?

LAWD, I can’t tell you how many times people asked Bruce and I. My first response (in my head) was always “dude…I don’t know…I just found out I was getting married! So, I definitely don’t have a date yet.” LOL, It always made me giggle!

And that’s okay that people ask – they are excited FOR you! I mean, it is a natural question to ask when you get engaged. So, just smile and respond, and enjoy the fact that for only 12 months (more or less) people are curious about your wedding! I mean…it only happens once…right? (or we hope it does).

groom beside bride holding bouquet flowers — Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Right now, I am a bride myself. And I have learned A LOT. A lot more about myself than anything. You know, my whole life I pictured planning this extravagant wedding (like in the movies), and as soon as I got engaged I quickly discovered that I don’t care about those things.

You see, I am marrying the love of my life. I am a sentimental person. I want things to hold true and lasting value. So, when I do things for the wedding it has NOTHING to do with what other brides typically do. I don’t care about the colors, or the cake, or the music, or even the dang traditions.

This is me and Bruce at our favorite downtown Raleigh coffee shop!

I care that my dad walks me down the aisle (because I wasn’t sure at one point in my life that he would be there for it).
I care that I wear my grandmother’s wedding ring because I always pictured her at my wedding. I NEVER thought she would die before I got married so it’s important that she is there with me somehow.
I care that I wear my mother’s dress (that I have tried on so many times before because it’s beautiful and I want to showcase my mom somehow.
I care that both of my sisters were my “maid of honor” because they have been my rock and consistent friend, when others failed to pull through, my entire life.
I care that I see my handsome (and quite sexy) man at the other end of the aisle because we have spent 8 amazing years together and this is to celebrate US – not to please everyone with an opinion.
I care that my bridesmaids feel beautiful on my wedding day so they got to pick whatever dress they wanted (same color and length because Bruce likes things to go together).
I care that I write my vows and say them to him because he means too much to me to repeat some vows someone else wrote (which BTW isn’t a bad thing – it’s just not my style).

My thing to ask you as you prepare for this big day is – what do you care about?

person tying white ribbon on blonde-haired woman — Photo by Sweet Ice Cream Photography on Unsplash

You see, Bruce and I play off each other’s strengths. I LOVE managing my finances. So, the budget for the wedding is my job. Everything else? Well, that’s him. Haha. I am not the least bit creative. I am better at making sure someone else’s dream can come true based on their financial situation. So, Bruce did all of this:

Picked the colors
Picked the decor
Picked out the food
Had a huge hand in picking the venue.
Picked out the outfits.
Picked out the bridesmaids dresses – yep. I was SO scared I was going to get the color wrong that I couldn’t dress shop without him. (phew).

He did those things because he cares about those things! He is “stylistic.” So, that was his job!

white flower lot — Basically, our wedding scheme.
Photo by mariana acevedo on Unsplash

You want to know what we don’t care about?

We don’t care whether we have the wedding in the church or somewhere else. The church is the PEOPLE – not a building. So, we have our ceremony/reception in the same place, and it’s not a church. Plus, it makes it easier on everyone! Does anyone else hate driving to the reception site after the ceremony, or is it just me?
We don’t care about the cake. And we still haven’t figured that part out yet because we don’t want cake. We don’t like sweets so we are kind of lost on that part.
We don’t care about having a D.J. So, we are going to plug in a phone and have a BLAST!!
We don’t care about “save the dates” because it’s such a waste of paper. We are only doing invitations.
And for me – I DON’T care about a veil and will not be wearing one no matter how many people try to pressure me into one ❤

Your wedding should be about you and your husband. No one else. It took me a little while at the beginning, but I finally got it down.

One last piece of advise before I go because it became a problem – people inviting themselves.

We have a lot of people who automatically assume they are invited because we have a history with them. But, we have to consider our budget and our venue space. There are so many people that we WISH we could invite, but can’t. Therefore, we are going to have to say no to many many people. Not because we don’t love them or don’t want them there, but we care about our financial future and don’t wish to break the bank trying to please everyone. Our families (which are pretty big) and immediate friends are the only ones invited.

So, enjoy your wedding, break some traditions, and make it something truly yours! ❤

Love,

Jennie Laureen

Photo by photo-nic.co.uk nic on Unsplash

2019 Will Disappoint You If You Don’t Prepare For It.

Lies, Live

2018. The year of great struggle. Crazy enough – I felt the exact same way
in 2017. And if I am honest, I felt the same way in 2016, 2015, 2014, etc. I
couldn’t wait for the year to end because the New Year would be a fresh start.

However, many seem to think that celebrating the beginning of a new year will change everything for them. That their life will somehow drastically alter into the dream life they have always imagined.

And every year, hundreds of thousands of people are disappointed at some point within the first few months of the new season.

This isn’t because of failed “New Year Resolutions.” That is only a portion of the problem.

When people go into the New Year they don’t prepare for the change that is needed to start off a new season on the correct foot.

It’s so much fun celebrating with our friends and family – watching the ball drop and experiencing a parade of fireworks and music. Then we go to sleep waking up to the same world we left in the year prior.

We can create as many New Year Resolutions as we would like, but if we don’t fuel our desire to achieve the changes we wish to see then we will be among the thousands who become disappointed.

Before the close of the year we need to say goodbye to bad relationships
that hold us back and discourage us from doing better and moving forward.

Before the close of the year we need to practice how we think and create
positive thoughts that alter our outlook. The world isn’t going to change – we need to change how we see the world.

Before the close of the year we need to clean out the clutter that exists in
our life: at home, at work, in relationships, with family, etc. Get rid of what you don’t need, apologize and forgive, and drop habits that control you (which take time).

Do you really want to start another New Year prepped for disappointment, or do you really want to see what the New Year has for you?

It’s up to you.

Love,

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Zoe Ra on Unsplash

24 reasons to love 24!

Live

Okay, so right now I am 23 years old. In less than 2 days I will be 24 years old. I don’t know about you, but I feel like turning 24 is a major life changing moment. I am jittery with excitement at the fact that I am going to be 24 years old!

Because, 24 isn’t 23. At 23, I still feel like I am a kid with no experience – even though that is the farthest from the truth! I mean….I graduated college 3 years ago! But, that perception is still there. 23 still feels so young.

But 24…….I’m a freaking adult!! I feel “grown-up” and I have this “I made it; I survived” attitude. I’m in my mid-twenties!!!

So, as I prepare for the big celebration, because I can be a bit dramatic with celebrations, I have compiled 24 major reasons to love turning and being 24 years of age!

1. You are officially granted the “adult status.”

Being an adult is actually a lot of fun to me. Sure, I had tons of fun as a teenager, college-kid, and young adult. However, those stages were my growing pains. In all of it I was discovering who I was and I hiccuped a lot in the things I thought I would be. Being an adult comes with it’s responsibilities, and I am PROUD that I have established a work-life balance and can pay my bills without bugging my parents for help!

I am proud that I can make it on my own. I am my own person who handles all aspects of my life. (Of course with the Lord’s guidance – duh 😉 ).

2. You don’t give 2 cents about someone else’s opinion any more.

As you grow up, you worry SO much, too much, about what everyone else thinks. As a church goer – it’s a lot worse. You pray “Dear God, don’t let me screw up and be “cast out.” But now it’s so different. I am who GOD MADE ME TO BE. I listen to his direction – not someone else’s. There is not one person who knows you better than you and God combined.

3. You own up to your mistakes.

You no longer want to try to blame someone else for something you obviously did. You have the courage to own up to the things you screw up on, but realize it’s worth it in the end.

4. Relationships matter so much more.

As you get older you realize that certain friendships and relationships are worth keeping. Even though you “bicker” and argue your perspective – the real friends of yours honor your point of view rather than tear you down for it. And that my friends is the reason you should keep them. You don’t leave them over petty arguments because you’ve built a foundation with these people – your so called Lifers.

5. Family becomes your rock.

In high school, and in college, all you wanted to do was leave your parents and siblings behind. Get out of the house and rule your own world. It’s like turning 18 and thinking “I know everything better than my mom and dad.” Then, you think about it and realize “geez, I guess they were right.”

Your family knows you better than anyone else. And you realize, as grey hairs start to poke out of their scalp, their advice is worth listening too and they deserve your respect and attention.

6. Parents become your friends – not your enemies.

It’s finally time to say goodbye to who’s right and who’s wrong. You both come to terms with what each other chooses to believe and love each other for it. Because you’d rather not sacrifice your relationship with them because you “oh so heartedly believe you are correct” like you used to think. The relationship is more important.

7. You realize who you are and where you are going.

Some waters you no longer want to test. You have grown out of the “rebellious stage,” have a job and have actual goals you want to pursue. You now pull your pants up and say “I’m going to do them.”

8. And if you don’t, it’s okay.

Even if you have NO idea what you want to do and where to go – that’s okay! Some of us don’t even figure it out until we are 30 – but that’s the beauty of being an adult, right? We can constantly change who we are going to grow up to be and own up to whatever path we take.

9. Staying home is like vacation.

For me this is true. I am so tired after a long day of work and graduate school that the best thing that can happen to me is the opportunity to sleep at home and watch New Girl all day. It’s a treasure I will never ever ever ever take for granted again.

10. There are ton of celebrations going on.

Literally, I have been to a dozen weddings and mid-20 celebrations. It’s like – I have moneyyy to spend because I’m an adult and so the celebrations rock!! No more cheap pizza, but i’ll take a bit of that sushi off your plate 😉

11. You realize you don’t have to say yes to everything.

At this point in your life you have figured out that your time is limited too. You have nothing to prove to any one and you don’t want to sacrifice your sleep. You learn to say yes to important things and no to others that don’t matter to you.

12. Your health starts to really matter.

You don’t complain about the kind of food you eat. In fact, you start to really enjoy the fact that you are taking care of yourself. You don’t care about soda or chips any more or binging on anything bad for you. In fact, you start to care about your health and whether or not you are doing yourself a service by eating that donut.

13. You realize that things you did as a kid were not as crazy as what kids are doing today.

Honestly, I really thought that some of the things I did as a kid like sniffing the Mr. Sketch scented markers because..well..they smelled awesome. At least I am not trying to eat a Tide Pod. Like…what? You realize you turned out okay and hopefully those younger than you will too!

14. You are old enough to appreciate technology and use it excellently, but you aren’t completely absorbed by it. You know how to put the phone down.

Technology has come a long way. I remember my very first fat flip phone in 7th grade. It was the best thing ever. I even remember by first iPhone 4 in high school. The world changed for me. But, at 24 – I have priorities and that doesn’t involve my face on a screen 24/7.

15. Judging people are a thing of the past.

You just get over feeling the need to criticize someone for who they are, the life they choose, and the lifestyle they lead. It’s just not up to you to change them even if you realize that they could be better. You realize you really aren’t in control – God is. Your job is to just love and everybody and guide as best as you can.

16. Forgiveness is a big deal.

You want to be forgiven just as much as the next person does. You realize you have seriously hurt people and you don’t want them to hold a grudge against you. You want to be forgiven, and also want to show forgiveness to others because you get it.

17. Forgiveness isn’t an excuse to get walked all over.

You also realize that forgiveness is for yourself too. You let go of the pain that someone caused, but you also create some distance. Trust is gained in drips and lost in buckets. You realize that it’s okay to forgive, but that doesn’t mean to let your heart get ripped a part over and over again. You realize you have to protect yourself too!

18. You are valuable no matter what anyone else thinks.

You realize you are an asset to the world. Like I said at #1 – you don’t give 2 cents about any one else’s opinion. You realize your worth and the ones you care about will see it too.

19. Good things take time.

You realize that there is no such thing as a quick fix. If something is going to be good and long lasting (especially in relationships) it takes time and effort. You have to build it from the ground up. In high school (and college) people are looking for relationships and will sometimes sacrifice meaningful conversation and relational building with chatty talk just to be with someone. Well…I’m not wasting my time anymore and will only pour into those relationships that matter.

20. New things are worth experiencing.

Now that I have the money to travel I can’t wait to see what the world offers. I don’t say no to life experiences because of fear. I only say no to things that don’t matter (like going to a late-night party because sleep matters to me lol. I say yes to things that develop me as a person and opens my eyes to what the world is really like – the good and the bad. I don’t want to be ignorant – I want to be open.

21. Settling isn’t an option.

You realize that you won’t settle for less than your worth. I won’t stay friends with someone who doesn’t care. I won’t stay at a job that I hate. I won’t settle for something less when I know, and feel, that something even better is around the corner.

22. You don’t have to be in control all the time.

You don’t have to have your hands all in the pot all the time. Not everything will always go as planned and I realize that I don’t need to freak out about it all the time. If it goes a different direction then I learn from it rather than freak about it.

23. You realize the importance of self-development.

School didn’t stop when I graduated college. There is more to learn that college never taught me. You realize, out of everything, the importance of continually developing who you are and generating new skill sets that enhance yourself as a person and employee. It also keeps your brain active!

24. My relationship with Christ matters more to me than any one human being.

I’m a Jesus Freak. You know that! And at this point in my life I just don’t care for other people to deter me from my real love and passion which is following Christ. At this point, I don’t want to let him go and I don’t want any one stopping me from reaching him. And if they do -they probably aren’t worth keeping.

I honestly cannot wait to turn 24!

Love,

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Stop living inside your head.

Lead, Live

I write not to attract followers. I write not to be confined to a specific routine or to add to my plate of duties. But, that’s what I did because I was told that there is a certain way to blog and to be successful that I must write a certain way, post on a routine, and follow the ideas of pop-culture.

I didn’t start this blog to fall into that category. I started this blog for me because writing was an outlet for the inner struggles that I face. My battle is speaking aloud to the circle of relationships I trust. I choke on the words I want to say. They are screaming in my ears, but never leave the threshold of my mouth to iterate my deepest struggles, needs, passions, and desires.

It’s like there is a rope dangling at the back of my throat and as soon as I get the courage to whisper a sound it lassos the words and forces it back down to my lungs, the oxygen I once had, catches, and I remain silent.

Don’t get me wrong – I am a joyful and loud individual. I love to smile and to laugh. I love to make people feel loved and encouraged. I give everything I have to everyone around me because people deserve someone who cares for them. I will talk your ear off.

But, people forget to realize that the happiest of people struggle too. It’s like there is a misperception that happy people have it all together. That their life is easy and without struggle.

The truth of the matter is – we support so many people and love on so many people that it’s hard for us to allow you to see our weak side because we are currently strong for you.

But then who do we rely on?

YOU. It’s the same people we support that we must learn to rely on. That it’s okay to expose our own worst enemy to those around us because keeping our pains on the inside will chew at your heart and darken your soul.

You’ll soon realize that being a strong and happy individual without exposing your sufferings will soon strip you of the ability to be an emotionally stable rock for those around you. You’ll soon realize that bringing joy will fade because you’re locked into your mental cage.

You can’t see past the inside of your skull, your eyes are hazed over, and you aren’t really in the room.

A word of advice to those who have a friend who has always been their rock, their mentor, and their shoulder to cry on. Just ask them how things are going. Look them in the eye, and ask them about life and help lead them into a conversation and environment where they can expose themselves.

I know how hard it is, and if it wasn’t for one of the most special people in my life – I would still be living inside my head most days and trying to be a rock for everyone else.

Because I have someone who I trust wholeheartedly – things don’t eat away at me like they use to. I am healthier and stronger in my mental state now more than I ever have.

Love,

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Vladislav Muslakov on Unsplash

You were never meant to be wonder woman.

Live

If you are anything like me then you must know the struggle is real when it comes to saying no. If you are anything like me, then you know you are the most reliable person you know, and so does everyone else. With that great strength comes a heavy responsibility because everyone will ask you to do EVERYTHING. Then, they become accustomed to you always saying yes that they no longer ask you – they tell you.

You always throw all the parties and get together’s, or babysit the kids, or take on the new projects at work and lead/train the new people, and let’s not forget the perfect house maid and, for some of you, the best mommies to exist. I think I forgot to mention the socialite of the all these gatherings, always having a smile on your face, and typically well kept-up?

You could also be the star athlete who everyone looks up to, the president of a club and a straight A student working towards your diploma, 1st degree, master’s degree, or even your doctorate. Degrees are great, by the way, but do you always try to be perfect at it?

The thing I am trying to get through to you is this – you try your hardest to be what everyone believes the “Perfect Woman” should be, but in the process have lost your identity as an individual with flaws. Our social media clogs us with perceptions that we as women should be….

A top employee with high marks working towards top management.
A perfect mommy who always spends time with her kids.
Has their house in well-order with every crumb in its place.
Has perfect temperament – never loud or angry!
Strong, but not bossy.
A Godly woman who reads her bible every day.
An athlete, but not too muscly.
Beautiful and ladylike while in public.
A master of sexual gratification in bed. (Side note – married of course.)
The perfect wife who treats her husband as she should with everything he needs.
A friend to all who gives the best advice.

And these are only a few to name, and they come from so many outlets spilling over into our lives. What we hear and what we see ultimately shape us into the people we become, but have we let our senses become desensitized to the marketing of media, and the opinions of others, that we no longer are able to discover our own identity as a woman?

As a woman who was once in your shoes then I must tell you…..say no. You can’t do everything, and you shouldn’t want to. There is no such thing as a perfect woman. If you try then you will lose your identity in this world because flaws shape you into the character that you are.

Mentally? It is not good for you. To become the woman you wish to become then you need to stop listening to the mouths of those around you that tell you who you ought to be, silence the television, and delete social media. At least for a short while. That way you can silence the noise and meditate on your inner soul, focus on the events that develop you and discover who you are for yourself.

You are not perfect. And that’s okay. You don’t have to bow down to the wishes of others and create a version of you that demonstrates perfection. Doing that will prevent you from opening up to your mistakes and imperfections to other women around you who want what is best for you.

You don’t have to have the perfect body, hair, or face. You don’t have to have the most successful career. You don’t have to try and be the best mommy who serves her kid(s) only organic foods. You don’t have to be the perfect wife who does everything for her husband. You don’t have to be the strong friend who allows gives advice.

You don’t have to be ______________________.

You are one person. You can’t do it all. You will drive yourself insane trying to do so. All you can do is be who God created you to be. Keep striving to be a better you, but don’t kill yourself trying to be it all. You can’t. You have your strengths and weaknesses, and I have mine.

Your flaws make you who you are and that’s beautiful because there is only one of you, and only you can walk in your shoes. ❤

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Amanda Dalbjörn on Unsplash

You don’t need someone to hit “like” to know your worth.

Live

I am not a big fan of taking selfies just to post them. Of course, i’ll post a few because I am proud of my outfit or new hair, but on a daily basis? Nope.

It’s not my profession. If you do hair or makeup or are a gym junkie who demonstrates bodily progress then yes – selfie away. Go and market yourself like a pro because you deserve to grow your business!

What I’m referencing is the unmatched proportion of selfies taken by people to just post a selfie. I scroll through Instagram at least twice a day, and sometimes I will see someone post three-four pictures of themselves, or videos of themselves on their story, in a few short hours. That doesn’t seem necessary. We all know what you look like.

Selfies, in and of themselves are not bad, but it’s when you become reliant on the aftermath of your post. The comments and the likes come streaming in and you get a boost of adrenaline or a dose of dopamine that satisfies you.

And this is not a girl problem – it’s a boy problem too.

The issue lies in where your source of energy, joy, and self-confidence comes from. I want you to sit back and think about something:

Do you rely on someone “hearting/liking your picture” to tell you that you are good enough? Beautiful enough? Handsome enough? Strong enough? Loved enough? Are enough…?

If there is one thing that I have learned in life it’s that you can’t rely on what other people think of you in order to understand what your own worth is. You are worthy because the King of Kings loves you regardless of what you have done or will do in your life. You are worthy because you are a human being, and your mother worked very hard to bring you into this world.

You are worthy because there isn’t another soul on this earth that is exactly like you, and we need every person who is uniquely different to create the society we live in. No one can be the same. I don’t want to live in a world where we all try to be the same person – reach the same goals.

No one can be or should be the same.

#relationshipgoals #bodygoals #selfiegoals #stylegoals #vacationgoals #lifegoals

We don’t need reassurance from any one else to tell us: “Hey, I’m reaching those goals so i’m posting to tell you.”

It’s easy to pitfall into a state of reliance on the opinions of others, but we were never meant to live a life striving to please what man believes is good and right.

Galatians 1:10 says “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

We need to step back and see where our heart lies. Walking with Christ is never just a moment of “I accept you as my Lord and Savior” and you are done. This is a journey that lasts until you take your last breath, and it doesn’t get easier.

I challenge you to go 30 days without posting 1 single selfie. Focus on what God thinks of you, and see where your confidence comes from.

Love,

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Andrik Langfield on Unsplash

You can sin as a christian – you just can’t enjoy it.

Live

I do not like it when people tell me that when you finally accept Jesus Christ as your savior – sin must be absent. Obviously, we don’t want to to sin, but we are human. The biggest difference as proof of your salvation, true salvation, is the conviction.

There are 2 types of people that exist when it comes to believers. These are the acknowledgers, and the followers. Any one can simply believe in Jesus Christ – know that he exists and he performed the miracles mentioned in the gospels. But, Satan knows the exact the same thing. Satan knows the bible more than any of us could ever know, because he has existed since the beginning.

But, he does not live or walk with Jesus Christ.

Satan loves sin. It’s his drug, and he wants to pull us in with him because he knows it is enticing. Why do you think he fell from heaven – his love for power!

He wants us to believe that we can WALK with Jesus and LIVE in sin. No, that is not how it works. The bible is absolutely clear with this point. If you are truly saved then the sins we perform will break our hearts – we will be convicted. Sure, sin is great for the fleeting moment you perform it, but if you are saved it is short-lived. You will regret what you did much longer than the moment you allowed it to happen.

I know plenty of people who believe they are saved, and who sin, but they don’t believe anything is wrong. That what they do is okay! This tells me that you do not have a RELATIONSHIP with Jesus Christ.

Look…I am no saint by ANY means! I’ve even told myself that I am so screwed up that I have broken into tears because I hate breaking my savior’s heart. But, I know i’m saved because of my conviction and that I am still madly in love with Christ. I will begin to fear where I stand if I never felt regret for the wrongs I do.

Satan BELIEVES, but he doesn’t have a RELATIONSHIP. That is what separates us from him and allows us to spend eternity with the coolest dude to ever exist.

We also need constant contact with the savior because it’s EASY to slip into our sinful nature. It’s like candy!! So sweet, and so good while you are eating it, but your teeth despise you when you go for to the dentist for your cleaning, and your tummy is upset with you for putting so much sugar in your system!

If you can tell me that you barely open your bible, and pray seldom, but say, “well, I still believe” then how do you think your relationship with Christ is? It’s nonexistent. I am not saying you are going to hell, but you might if you don’t stay plugged in and slip into sin (and not care that you sinned)!

Sinlessness is impossible for our human condition, but Jesus Christ says to go and sin no more. We can find that verse in John 8:11 where Jesus tells a woman caught in adultery to “go and sin no more.” Here, he is not saying to be of “sinless perfection.” Instead, he extended mercy and demanded holiness. He calls us to NOT go back to our sinful nature. We are brand new, sparkling white!

Jesus never abolished the law. It still exists. Remember those 10 commandments? He fulfilled it. Jesus calls us to LOVE, and the rest is easy to follow. When our focus is not centered around doing things right, but loving Jesus and ALL people around you, then everything else falls into place.

It was NEVER meant to be hard. But, we complicate it. All it takes is dedication, and a constant devotion to know who he is daily.

Jennie Laureen

Photo by ORNELLA BINNI on Unsplash

Mindless praying isn’t praying.

Jennie's Snippets, Live

How many of us have just PRAYED so diligently for something to happen whether it be big or small? Yep.

I can even remember times where I prayed over and over again for something that I THOUGHT I wanted. For instance, I prayed that God would just open doors (so generic – right?). I had no idea what door, but I wanted A door, any door to open. At the time, I got laid off so I wanted some form of a future ready for me. I know I prayed that prayer well over 50 times every day for weeks on end.

I look back and I laugh at myself because it got answered – just not in the proportion I wanted it to happen, or the way I wanted it to happen.

Sometimes when we pray we have this image of what our answered prayer will look like in our head. But, who says God is going to make your prayer look like the one in your head?

Because the outcome can be so different than what we pictured, and we end up believing that our prayer really wasn’t answered and that God isn’t really listening.

Other times we feel that God answered too many prayers and we can’t handle the change in our life fast enough.

And yet, in other instances, we feel that God didn’t answer a prayer at all because He answered it in a form unrecognizable to us.

But let me tell you something. God hears every word you speak because he made your voice unique to your soul so that he can specifically tune into your words and listen to your cries.

But many times we pray without the end in mind. We are “meal-minded” (thank you Pastor Steven Furtick). We pray and hope for the “next thing” that doesn’t really fill us up, rather than our calling/purpose.

It’s like we pray for toys. When we were kids, at Christmas, we would ask for the best toy on the market. I really wanted baking kits and stuffed animals. And each year the toys kept piling up. By the time I decided to move out of my parent’s house I had so much JUNK. I was lost in a sea of items I didn’t need. I had to shuffle through everything to decide what I wanted to keep – not much of it BTW.

BUT, what if I asked mom early on in life for things I would NEED when I got older? What if, I asked for a savings account to make moving out easier? What if, I asked for pots and pans at 15, a couch at 16, and cleaning supplies at 17? I wouldn’t have junk – I would have what I NEEDED. I would be thinking of the “end” in mind.

Rather than standing in a flood – I’d be floating down the river because I would be smart enough to ask for a boat.

Good thing our God knows our needs. But when we pray let’s be honest about our prayers and not just “pray to pray,” or to pray for the next best thing we think we need. Let’s pray with purpose.

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Ümit Bulut on Unsplash

You are stuck because you choose to be.

Lead, Live

There are so many people that I know who have decided to stay idle and perform a duty/task that isn’t what they aspired to be.

Of course, we’ll all travel those routes in life, because they teach us lessons that will benefit us in what we are meant to do! Those lessons prepare us for a road ahead to be successful, passionate and grateful to be where we eventually end up.

Yet, so few people move past the events that shape us into what could be their greatest achievement and sit idle at a place of comfort that no longer pushes and molds us.

So many people stay standing at their heel and refuse to take the next step.

So many people would rather stay in a net of safety than dive into a sea of possibility. If we stay caught in the safety net we’ll never discover the hidden city just beneath the surface of the sea.

If you look back on your life – whether it be 5 years or 50 years ago- can you tell where you stopped? Can you see where you personally decided to no longer take the risk? Can you see where you decided to be the one in the stands rather than the player on the field?

If you can, then what’s life like for you? Do you have a dry thirst inside you that screams…give me water?! Do you have a hunger inside you to grow and develop into you – the YOU, you were MEANT to be?

Or are you too afraid? So afraid that your fear chokes your screams…

It doesn’t matter what age you are. As long as you are alive then you have the opportunity to be who God wants you to be.

You are never too old, you are never too young, you are never just stuck, and you are never too tired. We are humans…and we have the capability and the capacity to stretch beyond what we believe our boundaries are.

Our GOD MADE US.

That means….we can do anything, be anything, and achieve anything with the right amount of motivation, push and drive to follow the seed that God planted inside us.

Whatever obstacle you have faced that has caused you to stop in your tracks…take a good look at the life you hold and tell me – are you still thirsty?

Jennie Laureen

Photo by Andrew Krueger on Unsplash