Responsibility

Learn to say “i’m sorry” in your marriage.

Jennie's Snippets, Love

I can be a bit of a prideful person.

Admitting that I am wrong is something I rarely do, and something that I clearly need to work on. I’ve always been the person in my family to argue over the fact that “I am correct” ever since I was small.

If you asked my mom today, she would tell you that I was known to always get the last word. I wanted to feel triumphant because I won the battle. I wanted to speak the last few utterances to prove that I was the ultimate winner.

But man…..what a waste of energy.

If I was arguing with my family I would let an argument continue for hours after it started because I STILL did not get the last word. My whole day would be spent feeling frustrated, getting angrier, and losing patience.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

The worst part of it all was that these days almost always coincided with an adventure: swimming at the lake, going to the park, going shopping, etc.

These days were supposed to be fun! Instead, I can only remember arguing.

For example, one time my little sister, Kellie, got on my nerves so much while we were visiting a theme park (Kings Dominion) that I “half-way” punched her in the face. It wasn’t hard. I swung very slowly and tapped her face with my fist. I did that because she wouldn’t be quiet – she wanted to make sure that I didn’t get the last word, and so I tried to shut her up so I could.

I was 12.

How ridiculous I feel telling that story.

It’s a funny memory now because I was a kid who couldn’t control her temper, but I also know that I missed out on the memories I could’ve made if I wasn’t so busy “keeping my pride.”

I mean….what’s pride if you make a fool of yourself, no longer have fun, and miss the opportunity to create memories?

It’s stupid.

Sticking up for your pride is not worth it if all you do is destroy the relationships in front of you.

The same rule applies in marriage. We have to let our pride go.

Being married to someone means you know your spouse in an intimate way. You know their successes, and their downfalls. You know their quirks, and their habits. You know how to love, and how to hate. We even know how to hurt them in an argument.

And what a shame it would be to do that.

We argue because sometimes we are baffled that our spouse thinks we are wrong and say “I can’t believe you aren’t on my side on this – you’re my husband/wife – you’re supposed to be on my side.”

But, it’s not about choosing sides. It’s about growing. At times, my husband will tell me things that I can improve on like: cleaning the dishes, or remembering to switch the laundry from the washer to dryer (which I forget often). He isn’t trying to be mean – he’s trying to make me better. But, my ears can fall short.

Photo by Heather Mount on Unsplash

I don’t want to hear it, and my response can be…well….bad. Sometimes, I can respond so bad to correction, or an opinion not similar to mine, that I can get kind of mean. Maybe not in a blunt way, but I don’t act super nice.

Because of how I respond I slowly destroy everything I have built with my husband. I react, rather than wait in patience for the right words to say.

Why am I destroying what I love? Because I care that my pride might be hurt?

Am I married to my pride? No.

I’m married to Bruce.

We all get into arguments. It’s inevitable. Arguing is a part of marriage. The difference between a healthy marriage, and an unhealthy marriage, is how you handle these arguments.

I refuse to go to bed angry. I will muster up all the courage that I have so that I can apologize to my husband for anything I have said or done in an argument EVEN IF I think i’m right.

Because, at the end of the day, it’s not about being right or wrong, it’s about choosing who we love most over our own self.

My pride does not matter if I have hurt Bruce. I vowed to love this man with all that I had until the day I died. And, I will.

Regardless of my stance in an argument I will come to my husband and say “i’m sorry.” I will apologize for anything I have said or done, and mean it.

It’s not a ritual. I can’t just say “i’m sorry” and let the day keep going. That doesn’t have meaning. I have to admit that I am wrong, point out why I was wrong, and show him how much I love him when I say “i’m sorry.”

It can be awkward to swallow our pride and apologize, but it’s always worth it in the end.

Choosing our spouse over ourselves will always prove rewarding.

It will deepen your relationship with one another, and build a foundation of trust that cannot be broken. Over time, you will learn to see eye-to-eye and understand the why behind actions, and work through every obstacle you face together.

And that all steams from coming forward, losing your pride, and saying “i’m sorry.”

Love,

Jennie Laureen

You were never meant to be wonder woman.

Live

If you are anything like me then you must know the struggle is real when it comes to saying no.  If you are anything like me, then you know you are the most reliable person you know, and so does everyone else. With that great strength comes a heavy responsibility because everyone will ask you to do EVERYTHING. Then, they become accustomed to you always saying yes that they no longer ask you – they tell you.

You always throw all the parties and get together’s, or babysit the kids, or take on the new projects at work and lead/train the new people, and let’s not forget the perfect house maid and, for some of you, the best mommies to exist. I think I forgot to mention the socialite of the all these gatherings, always having a smile on your face, and typically well kept-up?

You could also be the star athlete who everyone looks up to, the president of a club and a straight A student working towards your diploma, 1st degree, master’s degree, or even your doctorate. Degrees are great, by the way, but do you always try to be perfect at it?

The thing I am trying to get through to you is this – you try your hardest to be what everyone believes the “Perfect Woman” should be, but in the process have lost your identity as an individual with flaws. Our social media clogs us with perceptions that we as women should be….

  • A top employee with high marks working towards top management.
  • A perfect mommy who always spends time with her kids.
  • Has their house in well-order with every crumb in its place.
  • Has perfect temperament – never loud or angry!
  • Strong, but not bossy.
  • A Godly woman who reads her bible every day.
  • An athlete, but not too muscly.
  • Beautiful and ladylike while in public.
  • A master of sexual gratification in bed. (Side note – married of course.)
  • The perfect wife who treats her husband as she should with everything he needs.
  • A friend to all who gives the best advice.

And these are only a few to name, and they come from so many outlets spilling over into our lives. What we hear and what we see ultimately shape us into the people we become,  but have we let our senses become desensitized to the marketing of media, and the opinions of others, that we no longer are able to discover our own identity as a woman?

As a woman who was once in your shoes then I must tell you…..say no. You can’t do everything, and you shouldn’t want to. There is no such thing as a perfect woman. If you try then you will lose your identity in this world because flaws shape you into the character that you are.

Mentally? It is not good for you. To become the woman you wish to become then you need to stop listening to the mouths of those around you that tell you who you ought to be, silence the television, and delete social media. At least for a short while. That way you can silence the noise and meditate on your inner soul, focus on the events that develop you and discover who you are for yourself.

You are not perfect. And that’s okay. You don’t have to bow down to the wishes of others and create a version of you that demonstrates perfection. Doing that will prevent you from opening up to your mistakes and imperfections to other women around you who want what is best for you.

You don’t have to have the perfect body, hair, or face. You don’t have to have the most successful career. You don’t have to try and be the best mommy who serves her kid(s) only organic foods. You don’t have to be the perfect wife who does everything for her husband. You don’t have to be the strong friend who allows gives advice.

You don’t have to be ______________________.

You are one person. You can’t do it all. You will drive yourself insane trying to do so. All you can do is be who God created you to be. Keep striving to be a better you, but don’t kill yourself trying to be it all. You can’t. You have your strengths and weaknesses, and I have mine.

Your flaws make you who you are and that’s beautiful because there is only one of you, and only you can walk in your shoes. ❤

Jennie Laureen

 

 

 

 

Photo by Amanda Dalbjörn on Unsplash

The small town I left.

Jennie's Snippets

I am from this small town called Henderson, NC. And no, this is not Hendersonville, NC…as so many people have confused us with. I left, not because I hated it, but realized that I was not meant to be confined to a town where my potential had a ceiling.

There is only so far you can reach when the town only holds a few major businesses, and most of them are restaurant chains.

My entire life i’ve been pushed to look beyond what my eyes could see. To close my eyes and imagine where I wanted to be. To dream up the world I wanted to see.

I once had a small town mind. I thought, for sure, I was going to be a woman who worked in a small business, attend a small town church till I died, would soon be married (by 21 years old), and be having a baby at 23. Well…ladies and gentlemen…I am not married, and I am turning 23 this May with an empty womb.

But…God called me to leave – to a different life than what I originally thought up, and it took me awhile to grasp that He wanted me to leave. Because, at first, I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay in my little happy bubble so I could buy a house on the same road my parents lived on, raise my kids near them, and be happy. I refused, my entire life, to give into the bigger dreams I saw in my head and hoped God would change his mind and settle with my plan – haha, yeah right.

But, at a very young age, you know when you hear God’s voice calling you to dive deep and follow the command He has for your life. Especially if that command is much larger than you could ever imagine. And, I know when God has pushed me.

Although I lived in this small town for 20 years of my life…I can look back and see where each push would lead me to leave. I was prepared to leave home and go where I am called to go. Have you ever felt that? I know some of you have. Have you been scared to admit  it? I once was.

There are so many people who hate the little town they came from. I once did. But, I don’t believe that any more. Because I cannot forget my roots.

The small town I left built me, grew me, developed me, and pushed me. Without my small town, I would have never had the courage to leave it. It’s always nice to go back and visit because it brings a flood of memories back of where I once was to where I am now.

The idea isn’t to forget my small town, but to remember it. I am not who I am without it.

I am glad God has placed a much larger responsibility on my shoulders than I ever thought possible. My small town made me ready.

Thank you Henderson for all of that.

Jennie Laureen

 

 

 

Photo by Larry Tseng on Unsplash