It’s been quite some time since I have sat down and typed a few words, and I mean that in a poetic and artistic way. Honestly, I didn’t know how much my heart ached to get back to the rhythm of writing again until I found myself longing for purpose. For awhile, I was so consumed by my work that I forgot what brought me joy. So much so that I started to question every motive behind my every action.

Why am I doing this?

Do I find joy in what I do?

Do I care about what I’m creating?

How do I feel?

In all honestly, I had gotten lost in the hustle and bustle of “get it done” culture.

I would strive to be the best at what I was doing in the moment even if I didn’t care about what I was actually doing.

Having an attitude like that can truly cause you to lose yourself, and what you love.

I love writing. I love letting my voice flow out in words and my thoughts string together in a few sentences to iterate what my speech fails to express in the moment.

I stutter when it comes to “on-demand” talking. I meticously plan out what I want to say to ensure it’s intentional. This is why I started “JennieLaureen.” It’s a blog with what I want to say. A blog with my emotions, and my thoughts, and my opinions.

If other’s enjoy the writing I produce then we can connect as honest human beings – raw and exposed, honest and kind, and altogether lovely as our words bring us together.

So, this post is basically me admitting that I started opening my eyes again. I started peeling back the layers I was hiding beneath to expose what I truly care about. It’s not just writing – it’s about the connection I make with people.

And as I started writing again I found myself with that incredible feeling of bubbling joy in the pit of my stomach as it grew into a warm embrace enveloping every inch of me. I found happiness in the gift God had so graciously given me.

It’s me choosing me again.

I shouldn’t have let others dictate what my motive should be because I know me best. I know others can voice where they see me in 10 years, and the paths I should take to get to the top, but at 25 years old all I truly care about is getting lost in something I love. It’s weary on the soul, mind, body, and spirit to chase after other’s approvals.

All I want in life is to find myself sinking deeper into the talents I have, and hear my own voice having a conversation with Christ about my own future. I want to filter out the noise of other’s voices so I can truly listen to the motive that my own soul speaks.

Joy is found there.

What is your motive?

Why are you doing this?

Do you find joy in what you do?

Do you care about what you’re creating?

How do you feel?

It’s time to question the realities you exist in so that you can find that bubbling joy in the pit of your stomach as it grows into an enveloping warmth that hugs you. Because you know it’s what you are meant to be doing.