You don’t need a best friend

Love

Have you ever noticed that a great deal of media portrays a well-known concept called “the best friend?” It seems that in our culture, we have an ideology dedicated to a “soulmate” friendship. I can name at least 8 films/shows that will swoon us to believe that this one friendship will provide us with happiness and meet all of our ultimate needs.

Jess & Milly (Miss you already) – Great movie…you will cry.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson (Sherlock Holmes)

Tom & Jerry (Tom & Jerry)

Lucy Ricardo & Ethel Mertz (I Love Lucy)

Fred Flintsone & Barney Rubble (The Flintstones)

Bert & Ernie (Sesame Street)

Meredith Grey & Christina Yang (Grey’s Anatomy)

Dean Winchester & Jared Padalecki (Supernatural)

From kids shows to adult shows these movies portray this “best friend concept.” If you have a best friend…that’s fantastic! It is good to have this kind of stability, but on the flip side, we also need others in our life to give us the words of advice for our particular season.

It is hard for me to believe that we can have all of our needs met by 1 person. And that 1 person can fulfill all of my needs.

Life is full of events that bring about life-altering change. Life will alter our perception of the world, and we will grow into a new person through each season of life.

AND…you will come across a different person in these different seasons that God will place in your life to meet your current needs.

I can’t allow myself to find, or have only, 1 best friend that can possibly meet all of my needs for every season of life.

For instance: I work full-time, I am done with college, at the beginning of a career, and I am in a serious relationship. This part of my life calls for a friend who is in the same stage as I am. It also calls for various mentors who has either been in this stage, or is at this stage, and can provide advice. If I rely on one person for the rest of my life then they may give me “bad advice” because they can’t relate or haven’t been there.

Another instance: One amazing friend of mine who I have known for over 10 years is about to get married. I love her to death, but I do not expect her to come to me for marriage advice – I haven’t been there! I can’t tell her anything beneficial if I have never been in those shoes.

Another instance: A few of my friends are having babies. Again – I have never been pregnant, nor do I have a child. I cannot give the proper advice to the parents of these kids. I don’t have life experience to give them. That season, for me, has not yet come.

If we rely on one person for all of our needs we will eventually come to a point of resentment, disappointment, and lack of relational fulfillment.

God built us for relationship – and relationships change. Some friends will be close to you for years on end, and others will be there for you for just 1-2 seasons. And guess what? That’s okay!

We also can’t keep every single friend we come across for the rest of our life. You will eventually wear yourself tirelessly in an attempt to keep up with all of these friends. Some friends will want to stay…even though you know God has called you to let them go.

Yes – it’s hard and difficult to let those who want to stay go, but if you know God has called you out of that friendship (especially if it is unhealthy for you), then we must find a way for ourselves to move forward.

We need to come to an understanding of where we are in life, who we need in our life to meet our relational needs, and also ask God where He wants us to go in life so that He places the right people in our path to get us in that next season.

On my TimeHop, for April 4th, I posted over 7 years ago a status that says: “God determines who walks into your life….it’s up to you to decide who you will let “walk” away, and who you let “stay…” (crazy that, that is my TimeHop for TODAY! That just tells me I am meant to share this).

And I share this because God will provide us the people we need, but we also need to have discernment as to who we need to let walk away and who we need to let stay…

Because, we as humans, let our fear of change hinder us. We will allow the wrong people to stay in our life, and also let the right people leave it.

I once had a best friend when I was kid. She was incredibly awesome at the time. Later, she moved away, and we attempted to keep up with each other. Well, that didn’t work out. I eventually moved on and made new friends. We now live completely separate lives and we are in completely different seasons. I would have never expected her to be the one person for the rest of my life. I had to let go in order to find new people who would meet my current needs.

It’s important to learn when it is time to let go, or when it is time to keep. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself in a moot point where you no longer grow. As Preston Stack puts it, “when a hermit grows it must shift it’s shell or it will die.” I know you won’t die (that’s extreme), but you will need to shift in order to grow because your old relationships will not match your new season if they aren’t growing at the same rate, or on the same path as you are.

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I would love to hear your thoughts! Comment below, or send me a message!

Jennie Laureen

 

 

 

Photo by Joshua Sazon on Unsplash

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sex is bad.

Love

This post was a little hard for me to write. I’ve been working on it for over 3 weeks, but felt that it needed to be written in a way for you to understand my perspective. I realize that other people out there struggle with a similar attitude, and I hope this also helps you.

So…ever since I was a little girl I promised God that I would give myself away to the man who meant to take my hand in marriage.

And I have been an extremely lucky woman to have been dating this wonderful man for 6 years (close to 7) and he has been waiting for me like I have asked. Of course I am not a saint, but to have someone wait for that part of your life is more than a blessing!

When I think of marriage I think of the wonders of raising kids, building a home, and growing old together. This may sound harsh, and it isn’t my intention, but the last thing on my mind is the physical aspect of marriage. It doesn’t mean it’s not there – it’s just at the bottom of what I think about when I hear “marriage.”

I KNOW that sex is a part of marriage. I KNOW that it is a gift from God for a man and a woman to enjoy who come together, with their vows, till death do us part.

But, there is a problem. I grew up with 2 completely different ideals taught to me through the church and it has become a battle in my mind. The church didn’t mean any harm in it at all either. The church said these things as a way to protect us. The people who taught me this were fearful that I would walk the same path they did. I don’t blame the church – I love the church for everything they have taught me. But no one knew the side effects of the teaching, even if it was meant for good! These two ideals are:

  1. Sex is beautiful and meant for marriage. God made it for you to enjoy – so enjoy it. But, if it’s outside of marriage then…
  2. Sex is dirty and disgusting, and you are viewed negatively if you perform it.

I get the waiting ideal. That’s why I have been waiting my whole life because I aspire to be the wife who gives this as a gift to her husband, and to enjoy it with him.

But, I am also terrified of that intimacy. I do feel that once it is all said and done then I won’t feel honored to have given that to my husband. I would feel dirty and disgusting instead. And it terrifies me in 2 ways: I don’t want to disappoint my husband, and I don’t want to feel gross over something that is suppose to be beautiful.

This is something that has been plaguing me for years on end. If I am honest with you then I can tell you that I don’t mind how long I have to wait to have a ring on my finger. I absolutely and utterly love the man that I am with, but the fear keeps me at bay that waiting doesn’t bother me.

Although I have faced the battle in my mind, I have sought out advise on overcoming this irrational fear. Because I know it is based on what people have taught me. I have to reverse the teaching in order for me to overcome it. Of course I am still planning to wait – no worries on that part – but I have been teaching myself consistently over the past few weeks to view that part of marriage as something beautiful.

I even discussed it with my e-group (aka small group), and crazy enough, people were in the SAME boat with similar fears that I have and it honestly helped. I love the “me too” concept.

Here are just a few suggestions that have helped me over the past few weeks and I hope they help you too:

  1. When you wake up in the morning just say to yourself “love is beautiful.” Because it is. All aspects of showing love it beautiful.
  2. I recommend, highly, for you to read the book “Song of Solomon.” It is a scroll about a husband and wife professing love to each other and also showing  love to each other. It has become my favorite book, because even the bible doesn’t fear the discussion of an intimate topic even when so many people in the church are. God made it – we can discuss it.
  3. If you haven’t heard of the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers then I also suggest reading this book. It is a beautiful depiction of what love is in ALL aspects of a marriage and it is absolutely beautiful. It is based off of the book of Hosea and it is an inspiring novel.
  4. Stop listening to the teaching “sex is bad” because it is an irreversible teaching that will harm your view of marriage. Sex is beautiful – not disgusting. You still need to guard your heart and mind, and continue to wait (both boys and girls) if you are still waiting.

I am continuing to work on this list. This is very short compared to what it could be, but these few things have helped me so far!

I’d love to hear your thoughts and maybe some tips to add to this list – maybe more books to read (I love reading). Comment below if you wish to share.

Jennie Laureen

You are stuck because you choose to be.

Lead, Live

There are so many people that I know who have decided to stay idle and perform a duty/task that isn’t what they aspired to be.

Of course, we’ll all travel those routes in life, because they teach us lessons that will benefit us in what we are meant to do! Those lessons prepare us for a road ahead to be successful, passionate and grateful to be where we eventually end up.

Yet, so few people move past the events that shape us into what could be their greatest achievement and sit idle at a place of comfort that no longer pushes and molds us.

So many people stay standing at their heel and refuse to take the next step.

So many people would rather stay in a net of safety than dive into a sea of possibility. If we stay caught in the safety net we’ll never discover the hidden city just beneath the surface of the sea.

If you look back on your life – whether it be 5 years or 50 years ago- can you tell where you stopped? Can you see where you personally decided to no longer take the risk? Can you see where you decided to be the one in the stands rather than the player on the field?

If you can, then what’s life like for you? Do you have a dry thirst inside you that screams…give me water?! Do you have a hunger inside you to grow and develop into you – the YOU, you were MEANT to be?

Or are you too afraid? So afraid that your fear chokes your screams…

It doesn’t matter what age you are. As long as you are alive then you have the opportunity to be who God wants you to be.

You are never too old, you are never too young, you are never just stuck, and you are never too tired. We are humans…and we have the capability and the capacity to stretch beyond what we believe our boundaries are.

Our GOD MADE US.

That means….we can do anything, be anything, and achieve anything with the right amount of motivation, push and drive to follow the seed that God planted inside us.

Whatever obstacle you have faced that has caused you to stop in your tracks…take a good look at the life you hold and tell me – are you still thirsty?

Jennie Laureen

 

 

 

Photo by Andrew Krueger on Unsplash

 

You can’t forget a mom like mine.

Jennie's Snippets

So, my mom is quite the character. Seriously. You will never meet another woman like her – impossible. The one thing I love about my mom is her knack to make you laugh – even when you don’t want to. 

You see, she has this laugh that she will use to make you laugh. She will tell you “I bet I can make you laugh,” and the first thought that will go through your head is “yeah right.” I know what you’re thinking “she is going to tell me a corny joke which isn’t going to make me laugh.” WRONG! 

This woman will start with a low rolling laugh and as she continues to belt out her tunes, her pitch will climb and it eventually becomes this screech that sounds like a witch waiting to put you in her “boiling trouble.”  She will continue until you laugh, and inevitably, you will! Because it isn’t what you are expecting. Soon, your belly begins to cramp and you forget everything else in the world and replay that laugh for hours on end. 

I love my mom. 

My mom has been through the trenches of hell but has come out with arms of steel and a chest of iron – skin bruised but not burnt. In my mind, she is the image of wonder woman – a strong and courageous character. I look up to her! She has taught me to fight the battles, stay calm in the storm, and remember that today may be hard but tomorrow is a fresh start. She taught me that I can’t control everything in this world – no matter how much I want to – and that I must rely on God for it or the world will swallow me up. 

You see, I also learned this from my Memaw, who I adored with all my heart, and my mom is becoming Memaw every day. BTW – Memaw is my mom’s mom (if you didn’t catch that). It’s crazy to watch my mom become Memaw. I know when I finally have children my kids will have a childhood just as amazing as mine was. 

I recently looked at my mom a few weeks ago and noticed she had let all of her hair grow out – it’s all grey. It’s beautiful! It shocked me at first because she had always dyed her hair blonde! And I literally burst into tears in front of my mom because it was the first time that I realized that my mom is aging. 

As a kid, I never counted her age. She was always in her 30s! She never grew old to me. But now, as an adult, I realize that the years I have with her are numbered. I hate to think of what life will be like without her because she is quite literally my rock. 

I used to suffer from anxiety – often. My anxiety would swallow me up and I thought I was going to die because I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t see tomorrow – I was stuck. It kept me up all night long. The only thing that could comfort me was crawling into bed with my mom. As long as she held me I could go to sleep. I felt safe! There is nothing in the world like it. 

Therefore, I conclude this post in saying that I love you, mom! Every single day. I don’t forget how much I love you. I love having you as my mom. You taught me so much that I hope to teach my kids. And I can’t wait for my kids to meet you!! You are such an inspiration to me and so many others. I am proud to look like you, I am proud to have been given your amazing features, and I am proud to have a character like yours. 

Thank you for loving me all these years. Through every happy and joyful moment and through every pain and disappointment. 

Happy Birthday to a courageous warrior! I love you!! 

Jennie Laureen

 

Photo by Sue Zeng on Unsplash

 

Dear twin sister.

Jennie's Snippets

Dear Sarah,

There are so many things that I want to tell you, but my stubbornness has always gotten in the way. You see…I want to make sure you know that I love living life with you. Not many people get to experience life like we have.

We have been together since we were formed in the womb. Growing up and experiencing the same trials and successes – from heartbreak to love –  from failing to succeeding.

I want to tell you that I never regret a single moment that I have had with you. I KNOW I can be a total jerk, and there are no excuses for that. It’s so easy to fight with you because I have always known you. When have I never known you?

You are an amazing woman. I am so proud to know who you are, and what you have become through every trial you have faced.

When we were growing up you acted like the older, bossy sister (even though I was the oldest). I stood behind you if I was afraid, I stood next to you if you needed my support, and I will always stand in front of you to protect you from any and all blows any one wishes to throw at you.

I do miss doing everything together. I mean….we had EVERY class together, and even had our first job together. I LOVED it – even though I may not have shown it very well. I never had to worry about not knowing someone in class – you were there.

I do attribute a lot of my success to having you as my twin- mainly because we competed so much with each other! You gave me a drive to always try and beat you that I now have a drive to outdo myself in the real world.

Sarah…I don’t want you to ever forget how much I love you. You have no idea how much I care for you and your well-being. Ask Kellie. Have you ever seen me get mad if someone talks trash about you? I am boiling lava hot and Kellie has to calm me down before I go and tell someone off (which is SO out of character for me), but that just shows how much I honestly care for you.

If anyone is going to talk trash about you – it can only come from my mouth!

You are BEAUTIFUL, you are AMAZING, you are SWEET – KIND – FUNNY (because you are so quirky), and you are my one and only twin. I never want to replace you. There is simply no one who can be better than you.

Love Your Only Twin,

Jennie Laureen

 

 

Photo by Clarisse Meyer on Unsplash

Love is more than that fuzzy feeling.

Love

Happy Valentine’s Day!!

I just realized that my Tuesday blogging falls directly on Valentine’s Day, and I cannot be more excited for today! It’s my 2nd favorite holiday of the year! (Christmas is obviously first!).

I LOVE this day because love is a treasure. Love is endless and boundless, beautiful and tragically insane. Love is meaningful and used meaninglessly, and my favorite of all is that love is not easily understood.

When people first think of love their first thought goes to a couple. That love is romance meant for 2. But, love cannot be confined to such a narrow definition.

Love is the breath of life that brings joy to all. Love is a sincerity to the broken and a hand to pick up the lost. Love is a forgiveness that shatters the darkness and wraps a blackened heart with light. Love is a comfort that eases the mind and hugs a torn soul. Love is a warmth that dries the tears of suffering. But love is also a longing for the lost that are forever gone.

Love is showing kindness to a stranger. Love is answering a phone call at 2am to talk to someone who’s desperate to hear your voice. Love is preventing yourself from using words to harm another human (whether in person or behind their back) and then erasing such thoughts from your mind so you love them deeper inside.

Love is staying with someone through life’s ups and downs because you believe in one another.

Love is holding your newborn child after carrying them 9 months just so you can meet them once and for all!

Love is allowing yourself the freedom to forgive others to ease your mind.

Love is allowing yourself to love oneself first in order to love others.

Love is continuing to be kind to someone who lashes hate at you.

Love is easy…but people make love hard.

Love is the simplest form of communication but our ego and our pride rip us from that opportunity.

Love does not have to be between couples – love only has to come from you to another. Embrace what love is by stepping outside of your small box of reality you’ve built inside your mind and allow yourself the freedom to love unconditionally.

Effort must be made to love like this, but it ultimately fulfills our purpose as humans.

Love,

Jennie Laureen

 

 

 

Adoption is my choice.

Jennie's Snippets

Adoption.

The sound of the word brings pure joy to my ears.

To get started, I have an indescribable and horrible fear of childbirth. The story of a woman giving birth makes me cringe. I have never heard 1 good childbirth story. At least I am exposed to the realities of it.

But that also doesn’t mean I don’t want a child of my own (I would prefer a C Section). But I would like to only birth 1.

The rest of my family, as I have always dreamed, would be filled with children from all over the world and also in the United States. All of us under 1 roof!

There are so many children living in the world that do not have a mother or a father, a warm home to sleep in, or a place to feel safe and loved.

I desperately want to give that place to a child who longs for it. A child who may have been left abandoned by their parents, or a child whose mother couldn’t afford to keep them so she had to give them away, or a teenager who’s been in and out of foster care praying for someone to love them forever.

There are so many broken hearts from those who are young – I wish to mend them back together – piece by broken piece!I will pray with them to gain new strength in their new home.

You want to know what made me make my mind up on adoption? I visited the Dominican Republic to teach hundreds of young girls about Jesus, and I instantly felt like a mom to them all. I wanted to stay there, or to take them home with me.

My heart, literally, breaks for every child who doesn’t have the opportunity to feel loved, nurtured, cared for, and cherished.

I want to give that to them. To as many as God will allow me to.

Adoption is my choice. I am still young and I have time to prepare myself for the children who may walk through my door!

I do hope that God allows me the finances to adopt and then take care of them.

I guess we will see what his plans are for me in due time:)

Jennie Laureen

 

 

 

Photo by Nurpalah Dee on Unsplash

 

Dear Daughter. You don’t know me, but…

Jennie's Snippets

Dear Daughter,

You don’t know me, but…I think about you often and i’m not even pregnant. I’m not even married! But, I still think of you. The hope of having you, teaching you, and raising you alongside a strong husband who would be your amazing daddy!

I look at the world around me and for every moment I face I always think – I want to teach you this.

Through all my joys, sufferings, and pains I want to express to you how to live, how to be, how to have faith, how to be bold and brave, but most importantly, how to be you!

But – HOW do I teach you?!? I’m always frightened for you, already, because there is SO much that I pray for you to be, to know, and to understand. I already see myself holding you, cradling you, and protecting you, but I don’t want to shield you from what I want you to know.

So here is a list of the many things I think of now while I am 22 – dreaming of having you:

  • You are a WOMAN to be. No matter what the world tells you – you are a beautiful soul. You do not have to expose your flesh to obtain commentary that minimizes the lion within you.  You will be a little girl for a short time, but you aren’t a little girl forever – remember that, because the world will attempt to label you as just a girl for all the years of your life – but you are a woman (a lion).

 

  • You are INTELLIGENT. Your mind has the capacity to become whatever you wish to become. Your brain is made by God, and given to you from God. He made you and molded you. If you wish to learn about the entire world that God has created – then my beautiful child you do just that. Reach far and wide and past the stars! Read – become. If you want to be a CIO, CEO, President of the United States, a Doctor, a Lawyer, or an astronaut – you be it – become it.

 

  • You are LOVE. The world around you may be cruel. You will see it on every corner. But, if you choose to join the others, where does love go? I’ll tell you the story of a man named Jesus – the model of pure love. You are made to love like this. The choice to love rather than to hate. To treat another human being – regardless of their own personal choices – with dignity and love. You must always know to choose your words wisely my darling – words can open up the soul, but can also pierce the heart.

 

  • You are HONEST. No matter how hard it may seem – I know you are honest. Honesty is the first step to wisdom. Your choice will always be between the truth and a lie. Telling a lie may feel right for a short while, but it affects the inner you as a whole. It taints you and will eventually come back and be exposed. It hurts far worse to tell a lie than it does to tell the truth. Truth perseveres, and the truth gives you a level of credibility that nothing else can.

 

  • You are BOLD. God doesn’t want you to live in fear. Of course there are many things to be afraid of, but you can’t let that control you. Fear is a temporary feeling that prevents you from pursuing what God is asking you to step into. Be brave my darling. You may have to hold your breathe to take the step, but that’s okay. Hold your breath, close your eyes, and leap! Experience what God is calling you into. It is far better to look back and remember than to wish you had the choice again and wonder what it could have been.

 

  • You are STRONG. You are not born to be weak. Your body is an incredible creation made to live on this earth. If you take care of it, give it what it needs, and nourish it then your body will propel you through the years of your life. No condition you suffer will last as long as you believe and care for the wellbeing of your body!

 

  • You are COMPASSIONATE – You will be able to see through the eyes of those that surround you. While you live on earth, you will need to understand that your perspective is not the only perspective that exists. In order to know the pain of someone else you will need to step into their shoes – understand where they are coming from. Everyone grows up differently, some more painfully than others. Before you speak – listen first. You have 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason.

 

  • You are a SERVANT – Above everything you do, remember to serve others. We all live on this earth – we should all care for each other. There will be many people who will not do this, but you, my darling, need to know that serving others is a part of who you are because you are love and you are compassion. We strive to be selfless because God calls us to serve. It will open your heart, it will make tears come to your eyes, but it will also show you people. People matter – whether big or small, poor or rich, shy or loud, white or black, blonde or burnette – people matter. Because we are all people and we each deserve to be treated like we are loved far more than we believe we deserve. We out-love!

 

  • You are HARD-WORKING – God has gifted you with a body to use. So, get up and use it. Every day is a new day to reach the goals you have set, to serve like no other, and to love everyone around you! Did you know that Jesus is coming? We have work to do!! We can’t let anyone fall through the cracks. We show people who He is. We also show people who He is by being the best we can be! At work, at school, in clubs – everywhere. We work hard at everything we do! We have the strength and the talent to do so – we will not waste it, and we will not waste our time here on earth!

 

  • You are YOU – I want you to be so many things and more! I aspire to pour into you what I have learned in my years so that you live a life full of healthy and wise choices. But, I can’t make you into something you are not called to be. You see, God has a special calling on your life, and that is a calling you don’t want to miss. This calling is what makes you, YOU! I may want you to grow up and be a million amazing things, but please remind mommy that you must follow what God has called you to do. I can’t take away what God wants you to do, and I don’t want to. No matter what I say or wish for you to do – please promise that you follow my advice, but you listen for the voice of God before mine. His voice will lead you where you are meant to go.

 

  • You are FORGIVEN. No matter the choices you make – I will always love you. There isn’t a thing in this world you could ever do to change my mind. My forgiveness is endless for you! When God asked me to forgive people (70X7) endlessly then I will. There is no exception to you! And I hope you learn to forgive people like that also. It doesn’t mean you allow people to hurt you and trample over you, but you show them grace! People make mistakes. Bitterness from unforgiveness does a cruel thing to the mind and heart of people – don’t bottle that up and allow it to build in you. It will cripple the person you are and are becoming.

I already love you far more than you know. I can’t wait to someday meet the woman you become.

Love,

Your Mommy (someday)

Jennie Laureen

 

 

 

Photo by Johnny McClung on Unsplash

 

I’m in love with my high school sweetheart.

Jennie's Snippets

 

Have any of you been in love so deeply that it pains you to see the one you love leave – even for just a short while? Now, there is a major difference between having an obsession and wanting to spend every millisecond of your time with someone that, overall, causes you to no longer enjoy personal time with yourself, friends and family that are crucial to healthy and long-lasting relationships.

What I am talking about is an increment of time large enough that you realize a piece of who you are is somehow intertwined with this other human being and without them in your life is like having a hole dug out of it.

I am speaking of going weeks or months without someone physically present in your life.

I am speaking of someone being gone long enough that your schedule no longer has a line with their name on it, and eventually life becomes normal without them. Yet, you still feel a small part of you that cannot be filled by anything other than them.

I have been dating a young man for over 6 years. We began dating in high school, we experienced college together, and I am now working full-time and obtaining my master’s degree. Life is pretty hectic and we have experienced many of life’s young joys together.

He is currently in school in Atlanta, Georgia while I am here in Raleigh, North Carolina. Just yesterday I dropped him off at a bus station to take him back to school and it was, and has always been, one of the hardest things I’ve done.

I completely understand the logic of “oh, you’ll see him 6 months – the time will fly,” or “it’s not that long – you shouldn’t be upset about this – what’s the big deal?” Because to everyone else time is irrelevant to them. Their time didn’t obtain constant and continual marks of occupied space with this one person on a daily basis. Nothing is missing from their life.

But to me I am missing something that takes a short while to readjust to. This is the 4th time I have had to say goodbye and readjust my schedule to exclude him from all of my adventures. And it never gets easier, but I always and eventually adjust.

We are once again in a long – distance relationship. And, let me tell you both ladies and gentlemen, that it’s the hardest, but most rewarding relationship I have ever been in.

Long-distance can work, but it is all dependent on who is committed, if you ever met in person, your goals, and your background.

For Bruce and I (Bruce is the boyfriend), we’ve dated for 4 years before we went long-distance. He started school almost 2 years ago. We had a deep rooted background, we already had conversations of marriage and what we hope to be when we were older, and we both openly expressed commitment.

It worked for us because we wanted us.

But the relationship, while being long-distance, helped me grow in so many ways, as well as for Bruce. We have been together since high-school (that’s a long time), and hadn’t had time a part from each other. What this distance has taught me was what I really wanted in life. I got to be my own person – growing and changing without him fully in the picture.

I was able to see life through a single person’s lens, and it ultimately helped me to decide who I wanted to be, and who I wanted to be with.

Thankfully, Bruce fit the whole frame, once again, as to who I wanted in a husband. It also helped me to appreciate and love his flaws – we all have them. People need to stop looking for the “perfect person” and look for the one who fits you with healthy traits, habits, and personality quirks that you don’t have! Certainly you should have a few things in common – because we both have to like something to enjoy and talk about – but having differing opinions and likes makes life much more exciting.

Now, back to the topic, the whole point of this blog post was to remind myself that feeling this way about him reminds me how much I love him. But our time a part is also healthy, because I miss him so much more in the end, but I also get to be a human being all on my own.

When you love someone, whether close or far away, you’ll know it. Doubts will ensue because life has no promise, but you’ll know – it’s a feeling that’s hard describe, but you’ll know.

You just know.

Jennie Laureen

 

Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash

I can no longer think small after I left my own country.

Jennie's Snippets

From September 1st through September 10th I was able to experience an extraordinary adventure that would forever enlighten my perspective and garnish my soul with unforgettable memories. I am Jennie Robinson, 22 years of age, and I am passionate about giving people the opportunity to listen to my perspective and experience on what I believe to be salvation through Jesus Christ.

At a young age many dreamers envision the opportunity to set flight across the sea – daring to cross the borders of a home far from what we call our own. We dreamers hope to capture the essence of this foreign culture, breathe in its unfamiliarity and give into the unknown with an aspiration to experience a reconstruction on our small perceptions.

I set flight for Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic September 1st. To define fear settling in my boots would be an understatement to the many firsts that I had the opportunity to experience. I had never flown, I had never been out of the country, I never dealt with foreign currency, and I had never tried teaching salvation to a group of people with a language unfamiliar to mine.

But, most of all, I was able to experience what many individuals feel when coming to the United States (or any country for that matter) as a foreigner – disconnected and fearful, but overall grateful and excited.

Who knew that flying would bring a rush of adrenaline and fear all at once? When you stare up at the sky and see planes hovering thousands of feet above you, you never come to think that the plane is soaring through the sky at 500/600 mph. It always appears as if the plane is floating. At take-off, the plane launches at such incredible speeds that your head is practically thrown back, and all you could do is hold onto your arm rests and pray it doesn’t decide to go back down. But once you are in the air, the awareness of being so far from the land below is sensational. The view is phenomenal and the peace to be so far removed from your worries at home is fully present. You are in the AIR, away from it all, and nothing can trouble you.

 

 

When we descended in the Dominican Republic, the difference between being home and being there was strikingly obvious – especially when comparing the development of the country. Once we landed, it became increasingly evident that we were nowhere near home. There were already warning signs posted right outside our exit to avoid drinking the water (stick to bottled water), and to protect ourselves against the zika virus.

We grabbed our bags, and before exiting, sprayed on sunscreen and 100% deet (which smelled like pickles) to prepare for our trip outside. The heat was comfortable, sticky, but comfortable. Then, we soon realized that most places did not have air conditioning, a commodity found almost everywhere in the U.S, is rarely seen as a normal home accessory. We began to miss it shortly after our arrival.

Because our trip took 8 to 12 hours we soon stopped to eat. To put it honestly, the cuisine was far more scrumptious, appetizing, fulfilling and satisfying than any sort of food that America could produce (based on my experience of American cuisine). Soon, I fell in love with the Yuka Root – similar to a potato, but starchier. Then came the pineapple, which was larger and sweeter than the pineapple produced in the U.S. Later came the Tostones (fried plantains), and then the Avocado (3 times larger than the avocados produced in the U.S). The food was certainly different, but oh so delicious.

 

After a restful first day we began our adventures into the ministry – stopping at schools, stopping at churches, and ministering to hundreds and hundreds of women and children in conferences.

Our ministry was led by Darrell and Bonnie Clowers who are missionaries to the Dominican Republic. They also provided housing while we visited the country. The mission trip was packed full of ministry opportunity, from our 3-day weekend conference at Joseph’s campground, with 13 churches represented, to Monday’s visit to the Clowers’ vision at the 15 acre campground in Mata Mamon in La Victoria where we prayer walked the grounds. Later in the week we visited Rose of Sharon and their district school with Pastor Aundra Sanchas. We then went to girls’ and women’s conferences that evening at Way of Holiness in Azua with Pastor Bolibar.

We also visited several churches including: John 3:16 #5 with Pastor Freddie Checko, John 3:16 #3 with Pastor Socorro and the school there, John 3:16 #2 Divine Fire with Pastor Oridio, and John 3:16 #8 with Pastor Alexander and the school. We later held another girls’ and women’s conferences at Divine Fire #3 with Pastor Mulaun.

One of the pastors characterized our 3-day women’s conference as an “historical event” for the women because it was the first time that these women were able to leave the duties of their home for an extended amount of time to experience spiritual renewal.

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Overall, we were able to speak and minister to over 800 women and children, and a few men and boys, while we visited the country.

With our 3 day conference I was able to personally minister to young girls. The love we received was so incredibly welcoming. Every girl would love you as if you were always family. Their hearts were so open for us that it was heart-breaking to leave them.

The little girl’s stories were also impactful to me. Every story I heard dealt with poverty, loss, and sickness, but gratitude to be alive. Many homes that we were able to see were of small buildings made of concrete, barred windows, cheap tile and/or mud floors with tin roofs.

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Also, every single home and business was barred with black iron. It was frightening – theft rates were high. Protecting your home meant barring your windows and doors. Even the bank’s security system had soldiers sitting outside with rifles in case a robbery were to happen.

One of the greatest lessons I received from visiting the country was gaining empathy and understanding for individuals in the United States who speak Spanish and cannot speak English.

I thoroughly enjoyed ministering and getting to know the women and children, but the language barrier was disheartening and frustrating. I wish I could speak Spanish fluently so that I could have held a normal conversation with the girls, ask where the nearest restroom was, and order food and essentials with ease. Not knowing the language of the country makes you feel more of a foreigner than you thought you would feel. But that didn’t stop us from trying – our translator, Dariza, was excellent and spoke exceptional English.

Fumbling with our pesos was also a great struggle, but many cashiers were kind enough to assist us and help us sort out our funds while trying to make a purchase. These, however, were cashiers in major stores.  If you wanted to go to the market, where average people bargain and sell, then keep your money close. The experience of going to the market was thrilling, but overwhelming.

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As soon as you walked into the market, every buyer would bombard you with “would you like to buy, you are so pretty/handsome and you need this, and I’ll take this much for it.” The market people spoke English, because many foreigners visited the market, but I wouldn’t want to go back. Unlike the U.S where you can enjoy your shopping experience, in the Dominican it is more of a hassle – I would rarely choose to shop if I could.

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Although the country is vastly different from mine I would indeed love to go back again. I left my home to visit a new world and make an impact on their lives, but instead, a new home was created for me and a piece of my heart resides there.

Everyone should travel – at least once!

 

 

PS: There is no such thing as stoplights and stop signs. They are rarely found! If you want to have a heart-attack – then drive down there. It won’t take long.

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