Have any of you been in love so deeply that it pains you to see the one you love leave – even for just a short while? Now, there is a major difference between having an obsession and wanting to spend every millisecond of your time with someone that, overall, causes you to no longer enjoy personal time with yourself, friends and family that are crucial to healthy and long-lasting relationships.
What I am talking about is an increment of time large enough that you realize a piece of who you are is somehow intertwined with this other human being and without them in your life is like having a hole dug out of it.
I am speaking of going weeks or months without someone physically present in your life.
I am speaking of someone being gone long enough that your schedule no longer has a line with their name on it, and eventually life becomes normal without them. Yet, you still feel a small part of you that cannot be filled by anything other than them.
I have been dating a young man for over 6 years. We began dating in high school, we experienced college together, and I am now working full-time and obtaining my master’s degree. Life is pretty hectic and we have experienced many of life’s young joys together.
He is currently in school in Atlanta, Georgia while I am here in Raleigh, North Carolina. Just yesterday I dropped him off at a bus station to take him back to school and it was, and has always been, one of the hardest things I’ve done.
I completely understand the logic of “oh, you’ll see him 6 months – the time will fly,” or “it’s not that long – you shouldn’t be upset about this – what’s the big deal?” Because to everyone else time is irrelevant to them. Their time didn’t obtain constant and continual marks of occupied space with this one person on a daily basis. Nothing is missing from their life.
But to me I am missing something that takes a short while to readjust to. This is the 4th time I have had to say goodbye and readjust my schedule to exclude him from all of my adventures. And it never gets easier, but I always and eventually adjust.
We are once again in a long – distance relationship. And, let me tell you both ladies and gentlemen, that it’s the hardest, but most rewarding relationship I have ever been in.
Long-distance can work, but it is all dependent on who is committed, if you ever met in person, your goals, and your background.
For Bruce and I (Bruce is the boyfriend), we’ve dated for 4 years before we went long-distance. He started school almost 2 years ago. We had a deep rooted background, we already had conversations of marriage and what we hope to be when we were older, and we both openly expressed commitment.
It worked for us because we wanted us.
But the relationship, while being long-distance, helped me grow in so many ways, as well as for Bruce. We have been together since high-school (that’s a long time), and hadn’t had time a part from each other. What this distance has taught me was what I really wanted in life. I got to be my own person – growing and changing without him fully in the picture.
I was able to see life through a single person’s lens, and it ultimately helped me to decide who I wanted to be, and who I wanted to be with.
Thankfully, Bruce fit the whole frame, once again, as to who I wanted in a husband. It also helped me to appreciate and love his flaws – we all have them. People need to stop looking for the “perfect person” and look for the one who fits you with healthy traits, habits, and personality quirks that you don’t have! Certainly you should have a few things in common – because we both have to like something to enjoy and talk about – but having differing opinions and likes makes life much more exciting.
Now, back to the topic, the whole point of this blog post was to remind myself that feeling this way about him reminds me how much I love him. But our time a part is also healthy, because I miss him so much more in the end, but I also get to be a human being all on my own.
When you love someone, whether close or far away, you’ll know it. Doubts will ensue because life has no promise, but you’ll know – it’s a feeling that’s hard describe, but you’ll know.
You just know.
Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash